Comments on: Divorce Fuels Vasectomy Reverals – Not For the Childfree

By: Jo

Jo — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 18:28:20 +0000

Ha, yes so true.

By: Jo

Jo — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 18:22:41 +0000

Oh how I agree.

My husband has a 20 year old son from his first relationship and a an 11 year old son with me, not to mention my teenage daugher, who he has helped to bring up. He has recently moved out to live with a way younger woman and is ignoring both the older kids and seeing our young son infrequently because his new girlfriend is freaked out that he has children already?!?! She is very keen for him to have a vasectomy reversal so they can reproduce and she has informed me that they are saving up for one now.

It’s so ridiculous I would like to go and punch them both. What right does he have to even think of having more children – on every level, this is wrong!

By: Lee

Lee — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 14:37:25 +0000

Fabulous advertisement for good parenting–no father and unstable home so you could have the “amazing experience” of pregnancy. All about you obviously and “what you want in life.” Could it be that it’s irresponsible “parents” who get commented on here, not “everybody” who has children? Good Lord!

By the way, whatever happened to caps and spaces between sentences?

By: kris

kris — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 07:09:52 +0000

i don’t know what all the fuss is about,some people (like i) just love kids.i’ve wanted kids my whole life.its not always just to save a relationship/get child support or whatever.i only have 1 and am no longer with the father,but i hope to have more one day when i find the right person and things are more stable.
Being pregnant is an amazing experience to. i understand why some people choose not to (money,stress etc.) and all but there is no need to critisize everybody who has children.It’s just about what you want in life.

By: Christine

Christine — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 02:27:49 +0000

My husband is the best thing that ever happened to me! I was 33 and he was 22 when we met in 2005. We have been married only a few months. I am thrilled I waited for the “right one”! It was not easy… I had more than 100 nights where I would cry myself to sleep because I was sick of being lonely. But…do you want to know why I never settled??? Because I saw all my friends marrying one ass after another and then to top it all off they would have kids with the guy and be miserable! I swore I would never let that happen to me. Trust me it was worth the wait. I told my husband on our 2nd date that I did not want to have children and he said he did not want them either. Two months before we got married my husband gave me the best wedding gift and guess what it was…a “vasectomy”! So, every morning when my alarm clock wakes me up instead of a screaming child…I roll over and kiss my husband and say, “thank you”!

By: og217

og217 — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 11:57:17 +0000

Thanks, its very nice to be understood and respected. I get occasional snubs from threatened women with children, you know, something to imply that I am not my husband’s “real” wife. That’s more due to their insecurity of losing their husbands to a younger or more attractive woman than it is about me, I think. Although I met my husband years after his divorce was finalized, women see me and single young women in general as a threat. And honestly, I can see what they see. My husband gets a lot of stupid and clumsy comments still, to the general effect of “Wow, mate, congratulations!” Some guys envy what he has – an attractive wife, who devotes all her affection to him, who earns a good salary, and isn’t naggy or constantly exhausted. They see their own wives, homes cluttered with children’s toys, screaming and crying, and think, This sucks. Their wives see that and when they see my husband and I they can tell their own husbands’ envy. The logic is that we may give her man “ideas” about how great it would be for him to leave. Of course we do no such thing and don’t advocate anything of the sort, we just are. But I also se ethose wistful stares and feel a bit sorry for the women. Then again, they wanted this, and they really can take a bit more care to look put together and at least be pleasant to their spouse. They act like harpies all the time and then are surprised if their husband leaves them.

By: Lee

Lee — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 01:13:15 +0000

og-I’m pretty sure that the young woman in the story that I posted made best efforts to get pregnant to ensure that she had a stake in this man’s life/finances. They had been “dating” for over a year while he was still married and living with his wife and he had made no move to leave wife for her. It doesn’t seem to have worked out too well for her though as now she has the kids from the first wife in her house–she doesn’t like them and they don’t like her (according to gossipy nurse) and he still pays first wife alimony and hasn’t married her. It sounds like you managed your hubby’s ex situation with a cool head and have very clear boundaries which is an admirable thing.

By: og217

og217 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:05:27 +0000

I actually am in that situation. Mu husband has 2 mistakes from a previous marriage, and although I don’t want children, and he doesn’t either, there is a temptation to think that if I popped out my own, I could distract him so as to never deal with the step-brats again. My husband is a nice person and does what he is supposed to do (very unfortunately in this case) I never would have dated him if he lived anywhere near them, so it works out that I am only inconvenienced a couple of times a year (and every pay day ha ha), but I would give my right arm to never see them or hear the screeching of the troll who they popped out of on the phone. I can totally see how someone in my situation may want to pop out her own and then have a leg to stand on with money, holidays, etc. – you are taking away from OUR child! I personally don’t subscribe to the policy that unwanted children’s needs or wants are more important than mine, and just don’t allow anything to be taken away from me, or from us. I have zero interest in sacrificing anything, child support and the genral financial rape of men that is divorce is more than plenty, I think. But like I said, I can totally see the train of thought – to pop out a litter to be seen as the most significant woman in his life and show everyone, dammit. I am secure in that knowledge and don’t need to parade a pile of children around to show it off. I’m fortunate enough that I live that life every day. But some people do need the visual proof.

By: Lee

Lee — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 10:00:10 +0000

From the New York Times–vasectomies increase with recession. Some people are starting to realize that having children is a financial burden.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/11/health/11patient.html?em

Sean, no ouch intended! We’ve all done wonderful and sometimes strange things in the name of love. I personally can’t imagine one of those things being surgical, but maybe I’m old fashioned.

og217–The lives of my ear, nose and throat doc and the mother of his bastard child map somewhat to the scenario you describe. As I learned from his less than discreet nurse, said doctor was carrying on an affair with a pharmaceutical rep 14 years his junior. He had a wife and two kids at home. Wife helped put him through med school and followed him around various places for residency, fellowship. As soon as he established his practice and is named department head he gets a “girlfriend” who he gets pregnant. What to do? What to do? He’s already got kids and a wife and house in burbs. Girlfriend wants to keep baby and wants him to leave wife. What scandal! He moves in with girlfriend to cover the appearance of new baby and spends 2.5 years in court trying to prove wife is bad mother so he can take the first two kids away and not have to pay child support–they’re cheaper under his roof. He succeeds, but he doesn’t marry pharm rep because he doesn’t want her to get another piece of his income should things turn out along lines of first marriage. Now his two kids from first marriage and toddler live with doc and unhappily, unmarried pharm rep.

Of course in this case doc didn’t have to undo anything but I’m guessing that if the girlfriend had been a woman of his own age instead of a sleek and toned 30 year old, he wouldn’t have been so keen to disrupt life at home no. 1 and become a daddy all over again. And the moral of the story is if you are going to cheat, use birth control. Duh! Just typing that story made me want to take a shower. I need to find someone else to touch my tonsils. Gucci loafer wearing weasel!

By: Sean

Sean — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 07:35:30 +0000

og217, that’s a compelling point. If I may, you sound as if you had some personal insight into this. You weren’t one of the people you described were you?

@Lee: Ouch. I forgot to make the differentiation. Touché!

By: Winona

Winona — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 20:06:34 +0000

Well, the idea of men reversing their vasectomy is enough to make me shudder. A guy makes an adult decision to NEVER ever have kids – and then reverses it? So he can be financially responsible for more children?

og217 – valuable insight! I DO think that the ‘other woman’ tries to become the primary woman by popping out babies.

By: og217

og217 — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 14:32:36 +0000

I agree with Lee. I think that older men who are already saddled with children from a woman they don’t like don’t actually want more children. I mean, who want to supposrt 4 or 5 of them when he’s 70 years old? Who wants to deal with a bratty teenager when he’s that age? It’s probably a trade off to be with the woman – to be with someone younger and prettier you have to give her what she wants. And what that woman wants is to be the one and only legitimate wife, and so she must produce her own children and thus be the REAL wife. I think the reason that happens is the use of the word “family.” In a scenario where the second wife doesn’t want the guy’s kids, his “family” will be, according to our use of the word, some old troll he hates and scowling step-brats. Naturally, the new wife would bristle. In order to be considered a fasmily and have some stake at the claim of being his REAL family, she needs to produce a bunch of brats, ideally one more than the previous hag. The “real” family will be whichever is larger. Otherwise, she’ll just be the “second wife” while random people she doesn’t even liek will be her husband’s “family.” I think this competitive drive, along with a desire to displace the undesirable ex-wife and step-brats and obliterate their existence is what drives a lot of child-popping in this scenario. Women who were on the fence or maybe wanted one child now need to produce a “family” or risk being “just the other wife.”

By: Lurker

Lurker — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 09:41:43 +0000

God forbid> Well said!

By: Lee

Lee — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 01:47:26 +0000

I’m also inclined to think for the second-time-around guys who statistically marry younger women who may want their own children, they do the reversal to keep the woman, not so much because they want kids and all of the trappings that go along with them. She gets the baby and he gets the babe–until the babe tires of the geezer and kicks him to the curb and hits him up for child support and alimony. I have to agree with Kirsten, as far as reversals go I’d wait for the honeymoon phase to wear off before untying that knot.

By: Lee

Lee — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 01:20:43 +0000

Sean, are we talking about love or lust?

By: god_forbids

god_forbids — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 23:10:42 +0000

Hmmm. I got a vasectomy at 22 or 23 (no kids), the procedure was covered under insurance (~$250? out of pocket), and the doc agreed to the procedure the first time he met me. Hearing others’ negative and difficult experiences achieving the same, I am compelled to write the old doc or send him flowers or something for the the wonderful blessing and security he brought my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Why someone would ever want to reverse that is beyond me. My interactions with other people (and perhaps the news) have increasingly led me to believe that the stupid and the reckless far outnumber the responsible in this world. And the belief that in order for a new relationship to be ‘complete’ you have to violate a woman’s vag and produce a writhing, screaming crotchfruit has got to be one of the most insane I have ever heard. All the more reason to promote sterilization for the masses

By: Sean

Sean — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 06:15:03 +0000

Lee, since when is love a rational thing in the first place?

By: Lee

Lee — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 06:52:25 +0000

p.s. I get the distinct impression reading this article and others posted by britgirl that many people have kids because they lack the imagination to do anything else with their time/lives. It’s as if without a culturally prescribed recipe or roadmap they are lost after they become adults….get married, have kids, get divorced, date, get married have kids. Isn’t that what people do? A friend of mine said to me recently, “well if we (he and wife) don’t do it now (procreate) we’ll never do it”, as if the idea of never doing it was out of the question. Where is that written, I wonder?

By: Lee

Lee — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 06:34:26 +0000

I’m going to try not to generalize but it seems a little strange to me when a man who already has kids is SO opposed to having more that he will have surgery to make sure THAT joyous event doesn’t happen again, gets divorced (forget factoring in the impact divorce can have on kids) then with a fire in his loins decides he really wants to have kids again.

I don’t really buy the “life wouldn’t be complete” without the pitter-pat of little feet explanation, since they didn’t make life complete or improve his relationship the first time around or he wouldn’t have divorced. What’s the definition of insanity? Oh, yeah, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

As far as showing love for your partner by having a child (children) with them, how about showing your love for your partner (and any future children) by having a good/stable relationship before you decide to reproduce….

By: Luker

Luker — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 16:45:20 +0000

The heros takes one for society and their beloved…going under the knife again to do the most honourable sacrifice to become a parent…again

One of my reasons to get a vasectomy was to be free!!!!!!!! That means not being forced into a life I do not want.

I had no moral speach when going through the procedure. Maybe I have had second thoughts for not saving up some sperm for later, but its pretty hard to change whats already done.

I will NOT let someone put a knife in me again unless it is to cure some disease and that exclude reversing a vasectomy. My partner and other significant people who might put me under pressure are informed about this. Luckily I still decide what happens to me and my balls.