I was in the supermarket a year or so ago and I saw a lady and her two children approaching me down the aisle. I stepped aside to let them pass and one of her children, a little girl said “thankyou”. I was so stunned that I didn’t have time to stammer “you’re welcome” before they were off and on their way. Thankfully I saw the lady and her children again outside and made a point of saying how wonderfully mannered her children were, she seemed pleased by the compliment. That I remember an occassion a year ago when a child simply behaved in the manner that I was brought up to worries me.

However, in the last week alone I’ve seen children in shops demanding goods without having the courtesy to say please or thankyou whilst their fat mother stood idly by, she stank too, after she left the shop the lady behind the counter had to spray air freshener. I’ve seen a pregnant woman hitting her five year old child around the head and calling her a “little bitch” because she was slow to decide which chocolate bar she wanted, the child was so used to this kind of assault that she didn’t flinch or cry, I even saw a trio of boys in their early teens throwing a hedgehog onto a busy dual carriageway and delighting as it was crushed by a car (I reported it to the RSPCA but they couldn’t have got there in time). When so many examples of terrible parenting and rotten kids are so plain to see, it’s no wonder that many children are growing up thoughtless, selfish, rude and just a plain nuisance. It seems that the parents don’t care enough to notice, they sure make it easier to be childfree though!

Why parents think that bringing children to a place where people are worried, stressed and quite likely both is beyond me. What’s worse they seem to be oblivious of the impact of the intrusion on others. My conclusion is that they don’t even consider that anyone might object to the boisterousness of their kids at all. After all, isn’t everyone supposed to love kids and take their noise in their stride?

An elderly man asks some school kids to stop shoving. He gets beaten up for his trouble – quite seriously. An man goes to help someone in trouble… ends up dead… beaten up by a gang of teens… the oldest of whom is 14!

Someone, somewhere brought these “children” into the world and should be responsible for what they do, but it seems they’ve given up. When I think back to how my siblings and I grew up I really do give thanks for what my own parents did. If we did bad things we got punished… our parents set boundaries and we crossed them at our peril.

Chances are that today, any parent attempting to discipline their child would probably be raked over the coals and have to fight charges of child abuse – most of them brought by the child. Scary.

I can totally understand wanting an adult (let me stress “adult”) friend/family member along for moral support.

Going for a mammogram is stressful and worrying, and waiting for the test results can be terrifying. The last thing you need to see and hear is a bunch of near-feral brats screaming, yelling and generally acting like the clinic is their own personal playground. It’s extremely irritating, and only adds to the tension. (While Andi had good news, sadly not everyone will).

It’s yet another example of the nauseating child worship which is rampant in society – children are allowed/welcomed in places they clearly have no business being.

My friend is a very good example of that. The answer: they lose all their friends and end up with depression, and nobody can help them because their sense of perspective is so screwed up.

We have come to a point where survival is so easy that we no longer need to be the “fittest” to survive, or to breed. Eventually the world will be run by cave people again, at which point the whole process will start again. These people will be considered the “link” going backwards.

Meanwhile, I just try to accept as many things as I can in a way that is least stressful to me. If a kidis loud or a driver cuts me off, I just shrug and think “well, that’s the way it is”. It keeps my blood pressure on much more even keel.

Incidentally, I also find in many cases that laughing at the behaviour of kids or other adults tends to result in them altering their behaviour for the better, because you’ve embarrassed them. I just laugh and say “you obviously think that is an appropriate way to behave” then keep laughing. It comes across as “haha you think it’s ok to behave like that, you are an idiot and everyone knows it”. They lose that feeling of entitlement or defensiveness because you haven’t actually attacked them, you’ve just pointed out that their behaviour is so childish as to be laughable, and you aren’t taking them seriously as members of society. This often works on groups of youths too.

You need to pick your targets carefully so you don’t get bashed though, but in general being laughed at is humiliating for people and they tend to pipe down, especially when they realise they can’t bother or offend you.

(I learnt this from dealing with my brother when he was around five; it still works on the general public even now. Every little kid wants to be told they’re a grown up, and in reality every grown up is a little kid at heart.)

We have come to a point where survival is so easy that we no longer need to be the “fittest” to survive, or to breed. Eventually the world will be run by cave people again, at which point the whole process will start again. These people will be considered the “link” going backwards.

Meanwhile, I just try to accept as many things as I can in a way that is least stressful to me. If a kidis loud or a driver cuts me off, I just shrug and think “well, that’s the way it is”. It keeps my blood pressure on much more even keel.

Incidentally, I also find in many cases that laughing at the behaviour of kids or other adults tends to result in them altering their behaviour for the better, because you’ve embarrassed them. I just laugh and say “you obviously think that is an appropriate way to behave” then keep laughing. It comes across as “haha you think it’s ok to behave like that, you are an idiot and everyone knows it”. They lose that feeling of entitlement or defensiveness because you haven’t actually attacked them, you’ve just pointed out that their behaviour is so childish as to be laughable, and you aren’t taking them seriously as members of society. This often works on groups of youths too.

You need to pick your targets carefully so you don’t get bashed though, but in general being laughed at is humiliating for people and they tend to pipe down, especially when they realise they can’t bother or offend you.

(I learnt this from dealing with my brother when he was around five; it still works on the general public even now. Every little kid wants to be told they’re a grown up, and in reality every grown up is a little kids at heart.)

Anne-Marie and Lee, I think you had quite many good points in your comments. Seriously, I am also concerned when I think of the next generation in charge of business. I sometimes wonder what kind of imaginary world they live in when I watch them cruise around free from any rules or boundaries. I am glad to not have one living in my house.

I just have to add something on the side. Its nothing more preventive than to watch the news these days. I think of the financial crisis. Who wants to put themself on the line just to bring something into the world which we already have too many of? If I was struck directly by the crisis I would be able to make a very very quick turn in life to get myself back on the feet. This has actually always been an important reason for my choice to be CF. When I pass parents with their kids on the street I say to my self: Thank God its not me! Can it be any more clear than that?

As a teacher of 19 years, I can tell you that absolutely things have changed in and out of the classroom. I think parents have totally dropped the ball in many cases, refusing to teach basic manners or more accurately neglecting to do so because they just aren’t home with them long enough to instill them and then suffer guilt for being away to the point where they want “quality, happy time” and so indulge their every whims.

I think we can also lay the blamer at the doorstep of two trends- the disappearance of authority in general, whether it comes from police, church, and just any adult in the vicinity. I know that when I was little, I would never have mouthed off to an adult neighbour giving out to me for fear that my parents would slap some sense into me for being so rude and defiant. The second trend I see is that we have become rather casual about everything- clothes, language, manners, it’s all sunk to the familiar level regardless of circumstance, and so children just have no idea how to adjust their behaviour when they are in public as opposed to in private. It doesn’t help that we now confine them to rec rooms to watch or play endless videos. When they go out to the movies, they still think they’re at home watching and chat endlessly. This is a recurring problem at school also during any kind of performance- you get this running commentary from them even when the performers are humans!

The last thing I’ve observed is that the world is generally louder than it used to be. Ambient noise is much more than ever, with street level voice ads, iPods, all the heightened sounds that fade into the background and force everyone to speak up in public. I’ve told my students often that they are too loud when speaking to one another, and they look at me like I’m an alien. They aren’t being malicious, but have completely lost the sense of vocal projection in confined spaces, etc… I do find myself wondering if they will suffer some degenerative hearing loss from being in such loud surroundings all the time. I often have to call for “radio silence” in the classroom just because they can’t manage at what I find acceptable levels of conversation.
I have to say, in their defense, the parents have completely bailed on them and a lot of them crave the structure and discipline. I certainly don’t have problems in general getting them to do what I want, but I follow through with every consequence I apply and do it consistently. It’s not rocket science, and the funny thing is, I have an excellent rapport with most of them, and I know they generally respect the fact that I don’t back off and come through every time I lay it out for them.

-AM

I too fear the offspring of Gen Y.

I shudder to think what this generation are going to be like as adults. Spoiled, obnoxious, entitled parents raise spoiled, obnoxious, entitled kids – Gen Y’s starting to spawn, look out world.

A lot of parents have trained themselves to tune it out, only paying attention if there is a real problem (although kids and teens disturbing the public peace should alert them to squash it immediately). Tuned-out parents also assume that their little darlings aren’t really bothering anybody with their ruckus. This is why they take offense when someone — parent or not — suggests or demands they take control of their kids in public.

Behavior on buses, trains, and in restaurants as in Irishgirl’s comment, though… I have to say that it’s informed by adults. My pet peeve is the library, where everyone seems to use their outside voice these days, even the wenches behind the counters. When children and teens see that public places aren’t respected by adults, they learn that they can behave the same way. No matter which route I’m taking on a bus (here in Ottawa, ON), most often the loudest conversations are taking place between a couple of guys in business casual who don’t understand how their voices carry. Their language sounds like they’re fourteen, though, sprinkled with profanity and entire minutes during which they just agree with what they other has said. Second most common will be a cackling single woman on a cell phone, picking at her mascara while she talks to one friend only to call another to repeat the same conversation. I guess I’m lucky that the teens on 95% of my buses are too busy texting or listening to headphones to make much noise.

And why didn’t you cover your ears, Britgirl? I certainly would have! Or pointedly put in earplugs!