I don’t believe love from a child is unconditional by any means. A small baby has about the ability to concretely “love” as a dog does. I’m sure it’s a nice fuzzy feeling to stare into cute little baby eyes if that’s your cup of tea, but this being is not an extension of yourself and your desires. It’s a separate, independent life, and the child’s feelings towards his/her parents are extremely dynamic and culminate over a lifetime.

Most children will do almost anything if they think it will earn and keep their parents’ love. If a person is abusive to another that should mean they lose the other’s love and rightly so. I don’t see how one can abuse another and claim to love them. And I don’t understand how a person on the receiving end of abuse can continue to love the other person.

I can honestly say I do not love either of my parents unconditionally. I think I loved my dad when I was young, but now they’re more like… just people I sort of like. I’m 3,000 miles away from the both of them and I’m just *now* missing my mother just a little (and I’ve not seen her in over a year and nine months!).

Children take and take and take and take. I see it every day living with my in-laws. They want and want and want and need and need. I’m not sure you can call that unconditional love.

Ok, well…ask them if they love their parents unconditionally. Now, you may get an “Of course!” as an immediate response, but if they’re honest, they’ll stop and think.

They’re romanticizing the “unabashed, unconditional, and complete and total” DEPENDENCE of a child on them. They THINK it’s unconditional love. At least, not when the kid turns into a teenager.

BTW, parents don’t have unconditional love for their children either. It may be unfettered love, but unconditional? No.

Those are my thoughts. Hope you’re well!

My first reaction to this question is: And the CHILDFREE are called selfish? To want a child so that you can get unconditional love from it is SELFISH, plain and simple. This is one of many, many selfish reasons people have kids, yet people are never considered selfish for having children. The childfree are always the ones forced to wear that badge of honor.

Secondly, no human being is capable of unconditional love, and this includes children. A baby is completely helpless and dependent on its parent for its sole existence. That is NOT unconditional love – that is survival. As soon as a child is old enough to THINK, it begins to hate its parents. Yes, it may love its parents too, but like all relationships, the parent-child relationship is a love/hate relationship. Children do not love their parents NO MATTER WHAT.

I think it is more likely for a parent to have unconditional love for her child then vice-versa. But even that isn’t always the case. There are plenty of scenarios where parents and children part ways for good, sometimes initiated by the child, sometimes by the parent.

Honestly, anyone who wants unconditional love should get a dog. A dog is not discerning and will love you no matter what.

The “unconditional love” thing disappears, I believe, when the kids become teenagers. How many times have we heard stories from parents about their loving little kids turning into snippy monsters when they became twelve or thirteen years old. “My kid acts like they hate me,” is said a lot by parents. Depending on how the kid is treated, that love may return by the time they are off to college and/or off on their own, but it’s not a guarantee.

I remember a running joke on a lot of TV sitcoms I watched as kid: an adult child, usually a male, being irritated because mom was always calling and whining about “when are you going to come see me?” That’s not a situation comedy writer’s fantasy. I overheard a woman say after visiting her son at his job that even though it appeared that he treated her well now, she expected him to “kick me in the ass” as she grew older.

But I know it is true, there are people who view children as “oh, I want a baby because it’s sooo cute” just as those who buy an adorable puppy just because it’s “cute”.

Children do not love you unconditionally, in fact there are times your children will dislike you. As my mother says children don’t come into this world to give but to receive. While I believe that as a parent you should love your child unconditionally, you can’t expect the same in return. In fact that’s a hallmark of “unconditional love”, that it does not require the other person to love you in return.

Perhaps those individuals who are seeking “unconditional love” should look into counseling or go to a church or join a support group. Perhaps they should look for inner healing. The LAST thing they should do is place that burden on a child that won’t be able to provide it.

They will be loving and kind and have just the right amount of discipline so their children will realize how wonderful and fair they are as parents and will therefore love them.

It just doesn’t work that way.

Growing up, to me it seemed like every other child’s parent loved them unconditionally (read let them have anything they wanted), but I didn’t feel that way myself. It often seemed to be based on whether I was “good” or not. now as an adult, as Anne-Marie has said, I can see how hard my parents tried, how they must have struggled just to give us an upbringing that would prevent us from becoming lawless juves, the kind mentioned in a previous post. I It’s not that I didn’t love them, but now I appreciate them more.

My parents were never my “friends” they were our parents. They didn’t seem to care if we loved them back, they’d rather we did as we were told and gave them less hassle.

I think many parents do expect unconditional love from their children – and I often think they will do anything to get – and keep it. I’ve seen children manipulate their parents by playing that to the hilt. I have known teenagers who have babies solely because they think they will get someone to give them unconditional love. They get it from babies, but once the child grows older all bets are off.
I’ve also known parents who do nothing but constantly remind their children of all the reasons they deserve their love, how they sacrificed their own lifestyle, career, etc – and how much the children owe them because of it.

Nothing unconditional about that.

I don’t think parents should expect unconditional love from their children, because, as said it is unrealistic. I wonder how it’s become so ingrained that it’s become a given.

Seriously, though, what a fantastic and refreshing thread – parents and CFs discussing family issues in a rational, honest and sensible way. I am proud.

In terms of the ‘unconditional love’ discussion – what a pile of total and utter b*llocks. I am extremely fond of my mother, don’t get me wrong, but I can’t spend more than a few hours in her company – she knows exactly how to wind me up and I am very good at responding to all her cues (Pavlov’s daughter?).

On the other hand, I worshipped my father, who sadly died when I was 18, but I saw very little of him, as he was in the Navy and we didn’t travel with him – novelty over nurture, perhaps?!

I find it extremely creepy when moos start with their “Oh, I’ve never known love like it!” cr*p – makes me think of a bunch of narcisstic, self-obsessed individuals who have problems forming adult relationships (and god help their kids, who probably won’t be allowed a boy/girlfriend until they’re 45, because ‘…they only need Mommy!’…).

To those who require unconditional love, I say – get a dog. Not a Border Collie, though, they’re almost as narcisstic as you are.