I agree with Domino and others who have pointed out that as a minority, it is a good idea for CFers to be aware of what’s being said in popular media about being childfree and how childfree people are being portrayed in order to combat stereotypes and sweeping generalizations. I would never assume that someone is lazy, self-entitled or smug just because they are a parent and it only seems fair for those with kids to do the same by not immediately assuming that the childfree are bitter, hard-hearted child-haters – it just sucks that the latter has to be pushed for far more than the former. There are definitely examples of both sides of the spectrum – and since they tend to be the loudest and most obnoxious, they get the most attention – but I’d like to think that most of us fall in the middle and respect each others’ choices without seeing them as a reflective judgment of our own lives.

I thought this was supposed to be a list of reasons to HAVE kids?

As for the list, my view is that somewhere somebody possibly saw the reasons not to have children list and felt a need to generate one with reasons to have kids. That’s fine. I don’t have a problem with that. All I can comment is that from my standpoint, many of those reasons for me do not require offspring on my part And others, well…still, no thanks.

Anyway, why are:

-You get to listen to children’s choirs several times a year.
-Kids think that bugs and fossils are very cool.
Kids are not self-conscious about dancing/ singing in public.

Good reasons?

I so agree with EVERYTHING that you communicated. So much strife is created in the world because of fear about “the other”. Haters try to disenfranchise by claiming that those (gays, feminists, child-free) who don’t subscribe to their belief system are somehow less than–less human, less kind, less moral, less generous etc. It’s the way all political parties and most religious groups operate and it’s about gaining and maintaining control. The focus is always on the ways we are different, not the ways we are alike. It’s called divide and conquer and it’s been used rather effectively for centuries.

When I read the list that BG posted my response was, hmmm, I like to do or can do some of those same things that this mother likes or does, I just don’t do them with children–nor do I need to. In fact I could have made that list (again with few exceptions) and not even have mentioned my reproductive state. I have to admit I don’t really think much about taking out the garbage or folding the laundry. Getting someone else to do it for me isn’t really a big life perk in my book.

I think a list like that while maybe being somewhat flippant, also tries to portray people with children as all good, wholesome, salt-of-the-earth humanists. The truth is it’s basically a press-release. In fact, it reminds me of the latest Target stay-at-home mom commercials running in the NYC area. Those of us capable of critical thought (BG’s readers for instance) know that what you see is not always what you get. We know that not all parents are loving, caring, compassionate, cookie bakers and not all childfree are bar-hopping, self-absorbed, immature hedonists. But those are the images that are are pushed in the media and we need to stay on top of them and say, “Hey, wait a minute!” or “What about this?” If we want to break down the barriers, we need to be aware of what they are, who is creating them, who is buying into it and why. As you so brilliantly pointed out, that is what all of the movements have been about–civil rights, gay rights, women’s rights. I think whenever a minority has succeeded in breaking new ground they have always done so by being hyper-vigilant and over-communicating in the early stages of change until perceptions stabilize around a new accepted norm.

I think as more and more media outlets have consolidated, the cultural message is propagated and owned by a handful of people who have the power to promote “norms” that reflect their idiosyncratic world view. Fox News in the U.S. is a prime example. When you represent the other voice or other voices you have to speak up more often and a little louder to be heard.

Re: Like It Is, I am often astounded by how much BritGirl produces while working full-time and having a life. She’s not getting paid to provide us with a service and she doesn’t control how people respond to what she writes. We are all guests here. We’re not perfect, but I think most regulars try to be honest and supportive. If some come here and want more dialogue and discussion (it seems like there is always plenty to me–and BG modified board functionality to encourage it) then they need to help create it and respond when someone engages them. In my experience, you usually get what you give. If you don’t care for the vibe, no need to be rude–just move along now.

I agree with Domino. Part of the reason we need to keep an eye on the media and misrepresentations is to avoid the inaccurate messages and misinformation. I am not sure if this is a good comparison, but by keeping an eye on the mainstream media and responding we get to help to change the status quo. So, 30 years ago a young person trying to make up their mind about whether they are gay or not and whether they should come out and live their lives as an openly gay person would not have received much positive and truthful information and messages about being gay (as a perfectly good, normal thing, etc.). Language was all pejorative, negative, words for gay people were used in a negative way (queer, etc.). But slowly the message has got across (in the mainstream western world, I am not talking about religious places, etc.) that being gay is just another way to be, like having red hair, or freckles, or stubby toes – it is just diversity and it all has its place in the mosaic of humanity. And now “queer” is positive word owned by that group, and taken out of the negative.

In the same way. childfree has that positive connotation for us, away from the negative of “childless”, “spinster”, “barren”, etc., and it gives us a common community (with plenty of diversity within it, no two childfree people are exactly alike). If we are not careful, the message will be that “childfree” a positive word is now a negative one. Somewhat like how “feminist” was transformed from a positive strong word to a negative one (in some circles, not everywhere of course). So, misappropriation of the word “childfree” and misrepresenting our lifestyles and choices has to be monitored and rebutted to get our message across to all, especially to those who are “childfree” but don’t know enough to “come out” yet. Bias in the media about not having positive stories about the childfree needs to be nipped in the bud before it becomes the only voice out there. Of course there will always be dissent and debate, just like there is still negativity in the media about being gay, but it is no longer the dominant message – the dominant message about childfree cannot be allowed to be negative, and it is our duty to monitor it.