I think responding with how busy your life is without children is not really the point. It is true for many childfree people, but you shouldn’t have to stress it to justify your decision not to have kids or to justify that your life is as meaningful as that of people with kids. You have both chosen to use the time you don’t spend earning money or fulfilling other obligations to do something you want to do. They chose to spend it raising children, you chose to travel/be creative/volunteer etc. Their choice IS a choice and is not morally superior to yours (whatever they think!) and you shouldn’t have to defend yourself.

http://theroadlesstravelledlb.blogspot.com/2007/11/in-tizzy-about-being-busy.html

The idea that childfree persons have an abundance of free time is silly. We have to work, pay bills, shop for groceries, clean the house, run errands, etc., like everyone else.

I agree that not having children has nothing to do with luck (in most cases), and everything to do with planning and standing your ground, not submitting to societal pressure (which is real and pretty intense).

As for the assumption ‘no children = loads of free time’, that can be a massive misconception. Lots of CF people have to or choose to look after elderly and/or ailing relatives and in so doing have no more time left to do with as they like than any childed person. Yet there’s none of the dubious social status attached to caring for people other than children, and telling these people that they must have sooo much time on their hands because they don’t have children is doubly insulting.

I am sometimes impressed how parents manage to juggle their days but it is really not something I want for myself. The more I see parents in action I understand that spare time for yourself and quick turns in life is history. For ME that is is not very attractive even if kids can be alright in some doses. Besides, I am getting too old for all that.

Should a CF person NOT live out their lives because its so unfair that they have more choice compared to many others? Of course not!

Agreed that it’s all about choices, not “luck.” I’m not “lucky,” I have given a lot of thought to the kind of life I want to lead, and as a result have made choices which enable me to live my life (mostly) the way I choose! NOT having kids is a big part of that.

All I know is that I’m glad I’m not a parent. And besides, parenthood is never guaranteed. I mean, life’s not guaranteed either, but parenthood can be extra-dicey (just ask any serial killer’s parents, lol). Not to mention extra-stressful!

I’m looking forward to one day having a home with a garage/workshop. I would LOVE to get back into creating jewelry & metalsmithing! I also want to learn glassblowing (although I would probably be best served by buying time at a studio, I probably would want to wait before investing in a furnace, etc.!). A garage full of hot/sharp/dangerous things would also be a great way to keep my house CF, hee hee!

The truth of it (to me) is that mothers, and perhaps fathers, do USUALLY have more on their plate (more time-suckers) than child-free people. Having said that, does anyone feel like they have any time these days? Most of us, childfree or not, are constantly busy.

The only thing I can (almost) complain about is that, as a teacher, I don’t actually get to choose when I go on vacation, since it coincides with school vacation breaks. It’s not really a complaint, though, since we do get a lot of time off. What I do choose, though, is to stay away from the target family tourist destinations, because the last thing I want to do on my break is be surrounded by a slew of children.

-AM

I’m also the type that needs time away from everybody. Some times a lot of it. I was that way as a child, and also been that way all of my adult life. I doubt it will ever change. My wife is actually pretty understanding on that one, but somehow I don’t think a kid would be.

I can’t even begin to imagine how many things I would have to give up to a small tyrant in my life. I was just contemplating yesterday that I have plans for every weekend up until mid Feb, when I go to the Olympics for a week (squee!!). In between, there’s dance classes, gym time, after work swimming, snowboarding with my crew, snowshoeing with the girls, school time for interest courses, dinner with friends, dogs to walk … I have no free time either, should I complain?

I hate it when parents tell me how ‘lucky’ I am. You’re right, luck has nothing to do with it. You made your choices and I made mine. I’m happy with mine …

The vacation analogy points that out pretty well. Both the childed and childfree take vacations, for example, but there are a hell of a lot more constraints for those with kids in choosing and organizing a vacation than for those of us without kids: parents have to coordinate time off from work with each other and their kids’ school vacations, vacation spots have to be “family friendly” (whatever that’s supposed to mean) and affordable for a family of 3+, etc., and because most of the time families are locked into certain dates because of school schedules, there’s far less room to maneuver for cheaper fly/vacation dates. Compared to that, what those of us without kids go through to schedule a typical vacation sounds like a cakewalk. Pretty easy to see who has more freedom with their free time in that case and if I were a parent, I’d be more than a little envious of that – doesn’t make it right, but I think it’s at least understandable.

However, the insinuations that raising kids is a more worthwhile way to spend one’s time than “interesting pursuits” is just silly. Sure, raising a child is a worthwhile way to spend one’s time – IF that is truly how a person wants to do with his or her life, but it’s no more or less valid than, say, an artist spending a life devoted to painting or a scientist spending a life devoted to research. It would be ridiculous to pressure a gifted artist to ignore that calling in favor of science because it is more “useful” or to pressure a talented scientist to crank out bad art because it is more “creative,” so how is it any less ridiculous to tell or insinuate to someone who knows he or she doesn’t want children that it’s more “worthwhile” to raise children and he/she should do it anyway?