Here’s an interesting article for both childfree men and women… but particularly for childfree men. It’s about what happens when men become parents, told from a male point of view.
The comments as always are illuminating. There are some very good childfree responses and, surprise, surprise, a good many bingoes from the childed.
Here is a great comment from a childfree man:
“Mr. Glave, likely as not, you will find it near impossible to just “return to the dudescape”. As someone who has chosen not to have children, over the years I have lost many friends to fatherhood. After the kid(s) arrive, we suddenly have nothing in common. By the time their children grow up, we still no longer have anything in common.
Priorities suddenly change. That is part of it. Another part of it is, in this status crazed society, children have become not-so-little status symbols. So the childless individual suddenly just can’t understand anything, because they are not parents. This air of superiority tends to imbue every conversation, until it becomes a nauseating nuance. Really kills a friendship, and QUICK.
Being a parent does not automatically make for a better, more enlightened person. There are many parents out there who are frankly are not fit to raise a goldfish.
But even the most dedicated parent, be they father or mother, should endeavor to have a little time for themselves, with their own friends, for their own interests. Before they end up as a just a lump on the couch. “
Here’s one from a childfree woman:
“To ValerieM – Not every woman wants kids. I’m one of them. I don’t feel the need to have a child to “complete” myself, as many women I know do. I certainly don’t berate those who sincerely want children. It’s a basic decision that each person has to make for themselves. You are the one who seems “hostile” about your kids. I get that. That’s the “mama bear” syndrome. But your attitude makes you come off as a tyrant. Which makes me instantly feel sorry for your husband. He no longer has a wife. He has a “mommy”. Ugh.”
And here is the one from ValerieM – which to me is the usual barely veiled hostile response to the childfree… “you won’t have any joy because you didn’t have kids, poor you…”
The reader who sent me this article highlighted this comment in particular since childfree women are accused of not being “feminine” or “nurturing”, and “more like a man”:
“I guess I struck a chord…geez, I oftentimes wonder why childless people are GENERALLY so hostile and then it occurred to me that maybe THAT is the difference between a highly feminine woman who is by nature a NURTURER and a woman who lacks that quality and is more like a man and into HERSELF only? I think I might be on to something! : ) God Bless!”
I have never been able to fathom why the childed are so often hostile to the idea that anyone who hasn’t got kids isn’t wishing they had. Or that they want some balance in their lives that isn’t kid-related. Like it or not, when the baby comes along, everything changes. And it doesn’t mean men deal with it as smoothly as some would have us believe. But then, some would also have the childfree believe that having children is life’s greatest achievement… and we all know what we think of that one.
Read the article and comments and share your thoughts…what do you think?
Thanks to K for the article and link!