I’ve come to enjoy my childfree life, and the majority of the time I enjoy it FAR more than I would enjoy parenthood. People just make it unbearable with their BS and condescending comments.

Your observation about parents and grandparents being abandoned couldn't ring truer. Parents are in absolute denial about this; they assume with such pathetic wholeheartedness that their children will be there to take care of them in their dotage. Idealistic much? I see, time and again, families whose elders are left out to dry. Kids get more self-involved every generation, and families seem to grown more pathological and dysfunctional all the time. Technology and social networking are supposed to bring us closer…but all I see is an outlet for narcissism and megalomania. I don't know a single person who's actively involved in their elder parents' life. It's endlessly naive for today's parents to assume it will be different for them.

The CF Glossary at Happily CF makes this kind of shorthand easy:

http://www.happilychildfree.com/lingo.htm

Yeah…I had two uncles die within five years of each other; both were from different types of cancer. My grandmother, ever the endearing Christian, said it was “God’s will” and that cancer ran in the family; then left it at that. Whether it be her way of dealing with the pain or something else entirely, both men were hillbilly pharmacologists whose lifespans certainly weren’t enhanced by illegal pharmaceuticals.

“Crotchfruit,” heh, I’ll have to remember that one.

The pharmaceutical industry(-ies?), not to mention the past forty years, would likely disagree with you there. Especially if one were American with a certain bent for religious zealotry, the whole idea of contraceptives and (especially) abortion brings about a lot of grief. Moreover, it ultimately comes down to the decision of the woman whether to carry the child.

That being said, trying to “force an adoption” seems to be an increasingly hard option, too. I remember reading Russia was cutting down the allowable-annual amount of foreign adoptions by a significant rate and China was making some of the same moves. I wouldn’t worry too much – unless a person’s spouse had some decent cash and/or connections. We can’t all be Pitts and Jolies

I can definitely agree with what’s been said so far. Sometimes I feel so different, and yeah a little miserable. On the CF blogs folks talk about a vibrant social life being one of the greatest things about being/remaining CF but to tell the truth I don’t have a lot of friends. Having ADHD growing up made it really hard to maintain friendships (I don’t often have the patience to build them, and I have a million quirks) and then I moved across the world to a new place where I really had nobody. I got married to a smart, interesting CF girl and we pretty much just hang out with each other 24/7. After 5 years we’re still going great but I would love to have some friends like Kristine – those too busy enjoying life to want a Mini-Me!

Anyway I think about having kids sometimes and its NO WAY, not ever a possibility. I would never have the patience to raise them and again, I don’t take it for granted that a child would accept my wild and wooly moods. I like myself! And call me selfish or whatever, but I’ll be damned if I changed for anybody. That may be a bingo but there is perhaps some truth to it – I am too strong of a personality to bend it for a screeching crotchfruit, even if it was my own. Not gonna happen! On the flipside I change when I want to change, and I feel my life is pretty dynamic. I’m not a navel-gazer but “the unexamined life is not worth living” and I barely have time to properly examine my life as it is. I would lose myself completely if I had a child. That terrifies me.

About getting old, of course we all know that it will happen someday but as I watch my grandparents get old and sick and see the scramble of my aunts and uncles [running AWAY, not helping!] I see that having kids is not all its cracked up to be. Even in old age. I mean, having 6 kids and then 2 of them precede you in death, 3 of them ignore you and you have *1* kid, 1 out of 6 who even gives a fuck. Don’t know about you but I don’t like those odds. One could easily pop 4 sprog and have not one left to care for you in your old age. My bet is on becoming massively rich and paying people to take care of my wife and I

I’ve never felt any attraction for parenthood, but after having a few relationships break up over the issue, your rally do start to question why you don’t want the things that everyone else wants. The whole not-fitting-in thing is really unsettling – it’s a basic human desire, I think. We all want to feel like part of the group. But for me, in the case of parenthood, the cost of my own happiness is simply too high.

SG, I wish you and your wife luck. Thank you for your posts. It’s wonderful to hear from someone who has accepted the infertility setback with grace, and looked to the positives in their life instead of wallowing in denial and unhappiness. I hope life gives you back in return.

— OBSOLETE?

DEAR OB: It sounds like you have bent over backward trying to be an active, caring grandma, and for whatever reason, your gang has not taken you up on it (excepting the we-need-a-babysitter part). Somehow your children have not passed on to their kids the value of having grandparents. It is their loss. I concur that it’s time to stop knocking yourself out. Let us hope, and it is a real possibility, that when they’re a little older, they will appreciate you, and then you will become a born-again granny.

— MARGO, YIELDINGLY

I’m currently surrounded by four women I know who are pregnant, and the pre-baby talk is hard to avoid. I know it’ll only get worse once the kids arrive. I’m steeling myself for the onslaught.