Comments on: So, Does The “Childfree Movement” Have a PR Problem?

By: Katrina

Katrina — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 22:58:51 +0000

“I know that most people do not know a single person who is childfree…” Disagree there. Getting to be more and more of us. Not everyone talks about it openly, though. After some of the harassment and badgering I’ve seen, I can understand why folks don’t volunteer the information.

I think with the emergence and acknowledgment that there are many adults who consciously choose not to have children, the balance will tip and there will seemingly be fewer angry, “militant” childfree folks. Though after some of the reactions I’ve gotten, I can understand their irritation.

By: Jen

Jen — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 22:23:34 +0000

Michelle, have ALL childfree people made cruel comments to you? I very much doubt that. Don’t be so quick to generalize people and try a little tolerance yourself.

By: Chris

Chris — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 02:14:05 +0000

Wow, Michelle, you sound like a bitter, angry, vulgar person. The vast majority of CF people I know are openminded and tolerant of other people and their lifestyle choices. What about you?

By: Michelle Aldridge

Michelle Aldridge — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 03:28:53 +0000

I will respect childfree people when they quit making cruel comments about infertiles, telling us to “just adopt” and telling us God didn’t intend for us to have children. Only then, will I respect the childfree. Until then, they can shove it up their you-know-where.

By: Sean

Sean — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 09:17:02 +0000

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I certainly do not begrudge you in any way your time spent away from this blog.

By: Britgirl

Britgirl — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 05:10:00 +0000

Some great ideas there Mary, thanks for commenting. Watch for the next couple of posts.

By: Britgirl

Britgirl — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 05:07:30 +0000

Sean If you’re referring to my blog it was never over at Blog Spot. And if you’re bothered with my not updating my blog frequently enough for you…too bad – read back posts, suck it up… or don’t read it at all. Pretty simple. Snarky comments won’t get you very far with me. On the off-chance you are not referring to “this blog” but “some other blog” …the same applies.

By: Sean

Sean — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 04:41:28 +0000

Where I’m from, saying something like that to anyone can get a person slapped. Granted, I’m from the USA, where actions degenerates to violent action probably far than it should, but meh, the point is – people being buttholes tend to be put in his/her place if they get too far. Within the context of your situation, I wouldn’t commit to physical action against the person who said such things to me, but the context for which that person based his/her friendship with me would nullified, even if such context could be justified by whatever weird parameter the person justified as “friendship”.

By: Sean

Sean — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 04:37:18 +0000

I liked this blog when it was over at Blogspot. Britgirl actually updated more than once a month…stupid Real Life™.

By: mary

mary — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 23:42:22 +0000

I’d really like to see more of that sort of discussion. Some posts that have been good on here are the ones that revolve around maintaining friendships with people once they have kids, and other challenges that being childfree can raise.

Currently most of my close girlfriends are childfree, though some are fence sitters and others would change their mind if they met a man who wanted kids. But I’m hoping that I won’t have to suffer the loss of too many friendships. Many though, will, and it would be nice to talk more about how to maintain those friendships, rather than just complaining about those that were lost.

I’d also love to hear from more older childfree people – the ones who DIDN’T “change their mind someday”. I wish there were more of them out there – but I suppose they’re probably too busy living it up in the Bahamas like I intend to! haha

I’d like to see more discussion on regrets and fears as well. What WILL we do when we’re old? Will we actually be better off because we’ll have the money to live well, and will have a lifetime of carefully cultivated friendships to sustain us? Or will we be lonely and disconnected from the world? What happens if our spouse dies an untimely death and we are left alone, with only childed friends? Aren’t other people scared that some of the bingoes might actually be true?

What about a sense of family? Do we miss being part of a stable, solid unit? If we have siblings, do we want them to have kids so that we’ll still have kids in our life, just not our own? (For me the answer to that is yes!)

What do we do with our time, how do we choose to live out the lives we have chosen to give ourselves the resources for? Does not having children affect our hobbies, travel, etc? Does anyone else feel a sense of responsibility to themselves. For me, being childfree makes me feel that I should work even harder to enjoy my life and really live it, since I am not being held back by any of the excuses that most people use for why they live a mediocre existence.

A very badly constructed post, but there you have it: a brain dump of what I’d like to talk about more with other childfree people…

By: og217

og217 — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 12:59:19 +0000

The other reason CF forums are “I hate brats” venting venues is uncertainty over who is childfree in real life. If I’m in a queue at a bank or shop with an acquaintance and some screeching brat covered in ice cream is hopping dangerously close to me, I might think, oh, this acquaintance is 36, she’s married for 7 years, clearly she’s childfree. She must feel just like I do! And then I’d say, “god, this screeching brat better not smear chocolate on me, how can anyone stand living that nightmare 24/7!” And she may burst into tears because she is on her 30th cycle of InVitro. You just don’t know. My “model childfree couple,” who I like and admire, just adopted a boy. The woman of the pair is 49 years old! I was sure they were happily childfree, but apparently they’d been trying to conceive and adopt for 11 years. I am sure I made comments that underlined my misunderstanding of the situation. Real life people who dont have children may not be childfree. We can’t vent to just anyone – only safe, vetted people. Not everyone has safe, vetted people. I can’t get too vocal because people, even my friends, can annoy me with “Well, your husband has children, so therefore you have children so you have to like them or you’re a bad stepmother therefore a bad person.” I want a place where I can be a childfree person who doesn’t like kids, who doesn’t consider herself a stepmother, who doesn’t care or want those kids and who has no tolerance for moomoo mommies. So yeah, guess what. Forums are great. Real life people can cause all sorts of drama, and I don’t need it. My husband knows and understands how I feel, we have no issues or misunderstandings. But that doesn’t mean I would give up my anonymity and cause him problems with the troll who popped those kids out. I want to vent without causing problems for the people I care about – me and my spouse. Internet works best.

By: McKiwi

McKiwi — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 23:21:35 +0000

I’m not even sure how I stumbled across this one, but I feel the need to comment all the same. First off, kudos to the people on here. I haven’t run across very many places where every arguement was intelligently thought out and not just some rant that consists of “Well, thats stupid and so are you!”
That being said….
A movement, you say? I don’t think it’s a movement so much as a more open-minded acceptance of what many have probably considered, and not done, all along. I think most people have children because, hey, you’re supposed to, right? And the more of us that see it as a choice, so will others. I don’t think recruiting is needed. Maybe it can just be a combination of screaming children for 6 hours on a plane, poor economic situations, poor relationships….
I will say, for myself, that I have NO intention of having any rugrats. I don’t hate kids, I don’t think I would make a horrible parent, I’m not financially unable. I just DON’T WANT TO. I love the kids belonging to family and friends, and I can see why they love them. I think for most people, that makes it harder to understand. The whole “Oh, but you’re so good with kids” thing. I enjoy my life, the way it is, and feel no need to make some massive permanent change to it, one that most people don’t fully appreciate until it’s too late. I wonder why no one thats trying to convince me to have kids mentions the 500 times I’ve heard them or someone else openly regret it. Or say “I had kids too young or soon” or whatever. Exactly. You had them too soon to understand what you were getting yourself into. It the biggest responsibility someone can have. So I don’t understand the people that criticize those who weigh their options and make a decision as opposed to those who just “let it happen”. I wish people could just leave the subject alone after hearing I don’t want children. I can’t be the only person that gets the all-knowing smirk thats followed up with “you’ll change your mind”. Or be the only asked, repeatedly, at every encounter BY THE SAME PEOPLE over and over….”when are you going to have some kids of your own..” At that moment, I wish people had a MUTE button that only I could control.

By: CFOverseas

CFOverseas — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 02:29:33 +0000

Great points Mary – due to the diversity of CF people, what we tend to discuss is what we have in common – common gripes as well as observations. I also agree with others, we find online to be a safe place for our gripes as we know that in everyday social situations these comments/observations wouldn’t be allowed.

And I think that by having to keep our mouths shut and stewing all the way home by the time it gets posted online we are really fuming!

By: WendiFisher33

WendiFisher33 — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 18:41:42 +0000

Set your own life more easy take the loan and all you require.

By: Britgirl

Britgirl — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 01:16:05 +0000

Hey Laura… Perhaps instead of “ranting” we should be protesting. Now there’s a thought. I can think of any number issues worth protesting about.. from screaming kids in planes to enormous tax burden the childfree (single or otherwise) bear for those who do have children. We put up with a lot in the spirit of “the greater good of society” yet we remain unacknowledged… let alone thanked. I get a keen reminder every time I look at my tax slip… or hear about the tax credits parents get for having children or hear about kids being allowed to make homes a hell on earth because parents think they should “just be kids.” Plenty to protest (or bitch) about. Writing about that stuff here is one way to highlight these things… we discover we are not alone.

To a point I agree with what you say… although I would venture to say that in the main the childfree understand parents far more than they are given credit for. Most understand people want to have children. What they don’t understand is why people (usually parents) insist on trying to convert them to their choice even when the childfree person has articulated they don’t want kids. And even when they themselves aren’t particularly happy.
I also wouldn’t like to feel that we get so into censoring what we say (and making it palatable for all) that it leads to even more defensiveness. I think we have to carve out our place in society… I don’t think it should hinge on waiting for parents to accept our choice. Because we are and our choice is, with or without society’s acceptance. Society needs to acknowledge that fact, whether they accept is up to them. I actually don’t really care what parents blogs say on their own parenting blogs.
Speaking from the point of view of Like It Is… if parents are being challenged by the discussions here and learning something – then great.
However as this blog is for childfree people not parents or wanna-be parents (both of whom have more resources and support online and off than we can even dream of) if parents get all defensive by reading what’s said on a childfree blog then I’d suggest they don’t read the blog. I want childfree people to come to my blog and find support for their choice and fellow childfree people they can converse and discuss the issues that concern them as childfree people in a pro-parent, pro-baby world.

By: Brigitte

Brigitte — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 23:15:27 +0000

http://www.news.com.au/features/federal-election/i-am-woman-and-i-am-proud-julia-gillard-reveals-her-true-self/story-e6frfllr-1225884063951

thought you maybe interested in this. Australia has its first female Prime Minister (albeit not elected ) and is happily childfree….of course you still get the odd pathetic comment about her ability to lead the country as she apparently cant relate to families.

By: Laura

Laura — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 22:58:18 +0000

Hi–author of Families of Two here…cf can be considered a “movement” in the sense that there has been a growing number of us over the last 30ish years, and since the advent of the internet, with all of the discussion forums, blogs and the like, we have more of a collective voice, and that is a great thing. I agree there is a place to vent and rant but should be done on sites that are only for the cf and have more of a “door” to get in. Overall, ranting is unproductive from the standpoint of working toward society truly accepting the cf choice. Let’s face it–in so many ways cf and parents just don’t understand each other. Ranting makes it worse. I want parents to come to my blog and be challenged with discussion that helps them understand the choice and those who make it in a way that doesn’t present us as bitching and moaning or getting them all defensive. I wish could say this for some parent sites who pitch you know what on the cf…the ranting goes both ways, which just perpetuates the cycle of negative judgments. ~Laura

By: Luxury Girl

Luxury Girl — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 22:08:55 +0000

I wish there were a movement. I would love it if there were a proper antidote to the baby-mania that has swept the planet. I want to convert as many people as possible to stop at two children, preferably stop at one. I don’t think we’ll convince anyone that wants children not to have any, and I wouldn’t want to. Just don’t have so many!

By: Domino

Domino — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 19:37:14 +0000

Censoring our words and their content lest we offend the sensitivities of the non-cf cannot by any stretch of the imagination be a way to gain acceptance. At least that’s my opinion. So some people are starting to notice that we exist, that there are some (online) gathering places we have created for ourselves, and that they can’t or won’t whole-heartedly agree with what they read. Oh well. If we now start giving in to self-censorship “for PR reasons”, we’ll have given them a handle to control us with. Say or do anything the non-cf don’t like and they’ll pull the “bad PR” card. Non-cf already IS the standard and I’m relatively certain it will always REMAIN the standard in terms of ‘standard’ = what the majority wants or does. What the non-cf desperately don’t need to be is the yardstick by which the cf measure their words, actions and feelings. I also won’t believe that any group in power – and that’s the non-cf from a political, social, idealistic and majority standpoint – will yield an inch unless they have to, and most certainly not “because the others are so nice and diplomatic”. If we’re being diplomatic, you could argue that it is to further our cause – to be understood – and not hurt ourselves in the process. But why is diplomacy even required?? We are not so abhorrent that we must temper our views to make them palatable. If we do it anyway, we’re reinforcing the notion that we are abnormal and must make an effort to conform to the norm, the implication being that we’re “bad”, pathological or [insert negative stereotype]. That would be pandering to the non-cf. And by the way: I see no evidence that the favour is returned – no parent I’ve ever met personally seems to have thought about the effect their words and/or actions might have on me as a cf person.

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