On my Facebook newsfeed today. Someone was complaining that she had to stand on the bus while she was pregnant coming home from work with the bus doing about 90km. The woman bemoaned the loss of manners and courtesy – and said that parents should teach their children respect – including standing up and giving your seat to a pregnant woman.
The post was actually in response to someone else who remarked at how rude some men were because they let an elderly gentleman struggle to get down the stairs in the subway and just walked on by.
I actually will and do give up my seat … can’t sit if I see someone needs it more than I do – but the whiny post (and it was whiny entitlement-like) made me think of asking the question here. I still think it is a courtesy not an entitlement.
So, childfree people do you willingly and happily give up your seat for pregnant women? Do you feel they are entitled to a seat? And should parents be teaching their children better manners on this subject?
Other thoughts?
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I might give it up for an elderly person or someone who appears to need it, but I don’t believe pregnancy is a disability and so unless the pregnant woman is *very* late in her term I think she can stand.
I’m in the minority, though. I’ve seen plenty of asshole guys in their twenties who’ll sit on a bus stroking their phones and their soul patches while they let seniors stand (I’m in Ottawa, ON). I think bus seats are just first-come first-served these days. Shame, that.
OK I give up. What is a “Soul Patch?”
“Soul patch” = tiny little beard right under the lower lip. Like the Smithereens, or Howie Mandel.
Aha! thank you!
Hey Tricia…no, pregnancy is not a disability…but it’s sure not comfortable OR safe for an expecting mother to be standing on a train or a bus while it’s moving. Clearly your mother didn’t teach you any manners. I hope for everyone’s sake, you’re barren so the cycle of self importance stops with you.
Hi Tricia,
Jessica demonstrates that while pregnancy isn’t a disability, stupidity can be. She didn’t have the ability to comprehend your comment differentiating stages of pregnancy, and she could not be responsible enough to be fit during her pregnancy like many of the women who were exercise throughout their pregnancy, and who go on to have healthy and intelligent children. I feel sorry for her kids. They will get a lifelong lesson on what it is like to be raised by a self entitled, narrow minded person who is not much of a role model. Whether you choose to have children or not, most people would prefer to know someone like you.
Well put Tricia, and I agree entirely. Poor Jessica was so busy being defensive, she missed the point of the post. She’s obviously one of the set of women who think they are entitled to special treatment because she’s a mom. I am a mom myself as well as many other women on this planet and it’s nothing new or amazing.
I will generally give up a seat in a crowded place to anyone who looks like they’re worse off than me physically whether they’re elderly, injured, pregnant(visibly) or whatever. The only time I might not give up a seat to a pregnant woman is if she demanded it, or gave me the evil look as if it were expected. That’s never happened though.
It depends. I’ve been pregnant on three ocasions, I lost all three pregancies, but I remember what it feels like to be pregnant in the first trimester… it is not fun, you feel like you might fall any minute out of hunger, out of nausea, out of fatigue.. I can only imagine at the end, when your body is not really your own anymore. Normally I will give my seat to a pregnant woman…
But.. on the other hand, if a woman is walking down the sidewalk with an oversized stroller and expects everyone to move over… I don’t move over unless she budges a little bit… or like the woman who gets on a bus at rush hour with a huge back-pack type of baby seat and expects everyone to squish just so she can stand comfortably.. and on top of everything she expects people to smile at her kid.. I won’t move an inch.
And it’s not to be mean or disrespectful.. it’s just that I can’t stand the sense of entitlement, like I won’t move if someone refuses to take off their backpack or rides a bike on the sidewalk: just be civilized, it’s not just you living on this planet.
After three miscarriages, I’m envisioning a childfree life.. and even though I wanted kids, I’ve always thought that I would n0t be that woman with a false sense of “entitlement”, that I would have a small stroller, that I would keep my kids in check, that I would always always make my kids flush the toilet, everywhere, that I would not expect to be served before the others just because I have a kid. I’ve been discriminated against for NOT having a kid enough times and it made me hate the whiny mommy that looks at me with a fake smile to see if you let her through when facing a very long waiting line. I never wanted to be that woman.
“But.. on the other hand, if a woman is walking down the sidewalk with an oversized stroller and expects everyone to move over… I don’t move over unless she budges a little bit…”
Sometimes if you’re walking in front of them they push you with the stroller to make you walk faster. A woman did that to me once and she wasn’t even sorry. I believe her words were “I was trying to get past.” Meanwhile, no one could get past her stroller as it took up the whole width of the pavement/sidewalk.
I was so angry that I was speechless. Which was probably for the best as if I’d been able to find my voice in time it wouldn’t have been pretty. Instead I just turned gave her a dirty look, shook my head and walked on.
I am on a trian right now.enjoy I cannot believe a pregnant woman said I am disrespectful just because I did not give up my seat. she could not expect every to give up their seat, we don’t have to do that. And I did not realized she is pregnant. I am not sitting on a seat that is specially for pregnant people. I will give up my seat to a pregnant lady. but I will never give up my seat to a pregnant lady that demand me to give up a seat, never ever
Yes, parents should be teaching their kids to be more respectful, but not just to pregnant women! They should be teaching their kids to be respectful to adults full stop.
People I will give up my seat for include the elderly, the disabled, those who appear to be limping/struggling to stand up, a single person who is exhausted from shopping/work etc, or someone who has a lot of shopping and relies on public transport to get it home. I do not give up my seat to pregnant women, especially if like the poster you mentioned they EXPECT me to give up my seat because of a condition they CHOSE to go through.
For me, giving up my seat for a pregnant woman is just like those special spaces for expectant mothers. Some of those parking spots are closer to the store than the disabled spots! Pregnancy is a voluntary and temporary condition; unlike conditions such as being blind in one eye, limb amputation and other disabilities. An elderly person or someone on crutches would be more deserving of a seat than some bimbo who expects the world to cater to her just because she’s up the duff.
I apologise if that makes me a cruel heartless person.
These are the same rules I have–the elderly, people with disabilities or visible difficulty, etc. And if someone looks like they’re having a much worse day than I am–someone crying, or someone who got caught in the rain and is soaked–then I offer up my seat.
But never pregnant women. That’s their choice; not my problem. And by having children, they’re using up resources, hurting our earth, and contributing to overpopulation–so, technically, I guess that means fewer seats for us all. So they should get used to it.
And…you’re a douche.
Do you, Jessica, give up your seat to the disabled or elderly, or do you run and hide behind your “I’M A MOMMY!!!” shield as reason to not follow these societal expectations of courtesy that you expect others to extend to you?
Your attitude tells me that it is the latter because when your only response to people is childish name-calling, you’re as selfish as you accuse others of being.
Wow, you really come off as a spoiled, angry brat. You are hostile and insulting to everyone with a different opinion than yours. If you are in a relationship, I pity your partner. If you are alone, I am not surprised. Or maybe you are just a self-important breeder who thinks she is superior due to her plopping out a litter like turds in a toilet? Please miscarry or abort next time. The world does not need your genes to be passed on.
Pregnant women made their choice. It is, in fact, self-inflicted. While I do applaud those who offer their seats, pregnant women are not entitled to them. While (probably) most just choose not to offer their seat, a lot of people also have problems/conditions of their own that make them unable to offer their seat.
Woah here No matter how I disagree iwth person I would never wish anyone to abort or miscarry
I do give up my seat to anyone who appears to need it more – for me that includes a pregnant woman. It’s hard to tell what someone’s situation is just by looking at them, so I prefer to give them the benefit of the doubt. Someone may be having a rough first trimester of pregnancy or may have a disability, like multiple sclerosis, that can’t be seen at first.
This is my choice, I don’t think it’s something anyone should have to do. I also see it as one more way to disprove the “childfree=selfish” stereotype.
It’s only decent to offer your seat to someone who may be in great need than you, but I wouldn’t make this a rule.
I once offered my seat to a pregnant woman and she snapped back “I’m pregnant, I’m not handicapped!” and acted like I insulted her. So you can’t win for trying.
I would never give up my seat for a pregnant woman but often do for elderly people & people with canes &/or who appear to be having trouble walking/standing. I’ve traveled on public transit on days I’ve not been feeling well & I never expected a seat to be given to me, I can’t see pregnancy being any different.
I also refuse to help people on/off with those massive strollers but often help elderly people with bags & those wheeled granny carts. On the other hand I often hold doors open for anyone who appears to struggling, the elderly, people with large packages, delivery guys & even people with strollers & people with little kids.
I’m so tired of the way the majority of moms act, screaming kids in nice restos & they look around at the woman diners & smile weakly instead of removing their child or trying to get it to behave. I’m tired of listening to friends & co-workers complain about not being able to afford daycare & how the government should step in with more help…even as some of them are trying for their second or third child. I’m tired of the welfare mom in the city-owned house across from mine who throws her child’s dirty diapers out the window onto the roof being pregnant for the second time in less than two years. I’m tired of being forced off the sidewalk to make room for strollers that are so massive the family dog has to walk in front or behind it cause there is no room for anything, man or beast to walk along side it. I’m tired of paying a ton of cash to fly somewhere to have someones child kick the back or my seat for 7 hours, scream or run up & down the aisle. I’m tired of people believing that having a child gives them the right to act like a$$holes.
Kelly,
I am with you. I too give up my seat for the elderly and handicapped, but never for pregnant women. Breeders annoy me to no end. People seem to think their DNA is so special that it needs xeroxing. Give me a break.
LMAO! I am a breeder, admittedly – but this comment made me snarf my coffee backwards through my nostrils.
::note to others – this hurts to do. Please do not try at home. Please leave this to the professional dorks like myself::
I am going RIGHT NOW to put on my FB profile: “People seem to think their DNA is so special that it needs zeroxing”.
Awesomesauce!
I would happily give up my seat for an elderly person or a disabled person. I would absolutely refuse to give it up for someone that is pregnant. In my opinion women choose to get pregnant and therefore should not get special privileges just because they got knocked up. It doesn’t matter if it is their 1st, 2nd, 3rd or how many kids they have toddling after them, it is a condition they chose, or chose not to prevent and I for one am sick of their sense of entitlement.
Oh? Women choose to get pregnant? That’s a new one! I believe there are PLENTY of women who get pregnant on accident, either by slip up with contraception or rape. Why not just strive to be a nice person? I’ve never met a pregnant woman who demanded a seat from a stranger.
Let’s get real people.
ETA
If an old bastard demanded I give up my seat I wouldn’t do it for him either. It’s all a matter of decency. I don’t think the elderly are “entitled” to a seat any more or less than a pregnant woman is, but I will and do show kindness to both groups if they show kindness to me.
Erm…Ok, so falling pregnant itself might be an accident, but they choose to remain pregnant…they could always have an abortion if it isn’t wanted. Therefore they DO choose to be pregnant, and if they don’t have that choice then there are much bigger issues at play, eg domestic abuse, control issues etc that need dealing with. I think the rational viewpoint is that if you see a pregnant woman it is because she has chosen that situation – and all it entails – for herself.
They may get pregnant by accident, but they made the choice to go through with the pregnancy, therefore it IS a condition they chose
Lew, they get pregnant by accident? Have you heard that termination is legal now? This is not the 1950′s . Breeders make their choices as I do but I don’t force my choices on others.
Wow…all of this anger towards pregnant women. What about the fact that men who want children don’t have to go through all of the physical stresses from pregnancy and still have the benefit of a child. I’m 7 months pregnant, and usually if someone offers their seat I will thank them and don’t usually accept as I feel I don’t need it. But if I was feeling dizzy or my balance was off, I would accept their offer- falling during pregnancy can be very serious. What about just being a decent human being. I can’t believe the comments from nerd demmy and scarlett.
Demy- saying you don’t have to be kind to someone or help them because they have a condition they chose…does this mean we shouldn’t help those who have hiv or aids who contracted it through risky behaviour? Or lung cancer patients who smoked?
If a woman is pregnant because of rape, then that’s just too bad! It STILL does not entitle her. I’m sick and tired of this attitude that only WOMEN”S problems deserve special recognition.
Why is a woman who is pregnant because of rape any worse than a man who’s crippled because of someone else’s aggression against him? If anything, a crippled man deserves more consideration than a pregnant woman.
Feminism has really created a monster in many of today’s women. They seem to have a “me first and the hell with you” kind of an attitude.
Courtesy yes, entitlement, no. It also sometimes depends “how” pregnant–if the woman is clearly into her last trimester I might offer without getting the vibe from the woman she would like to sit down–for good reason! I ride the bus often, and lots of pregnant women clearly don’t feel their bump entitles them to a seat. Like anyone else who might have a rougher time standing on a moving bus, I am atuned to this and when it’s clear it’s just the right thing to offer~Laura , author Families of Two.
I would gladly give my seat to anybody who seems to need it more then I do but I do feel that it is not an entitlement. I am 29 years old and when I was 15 I was in car accident and went in surgery many times to be able to walk again and after alot of work I was able to be on my own again and take the bus to school but it was still painfull to walk most of the time and I had to sit down when I could to relieve some of the pressure and I remember once a pregnant women started yelling at me saying I should be ashamed of not giving her my seat and the truth was that I was in pain and franckly she wasn’t. I was 16 and she felt that I was being impolite. She made me feel so bad that I got out of the bus and I remember walked the rest of the way. I could say she bullied me out of the bus.
That’s terrible! If that happens again you should turn around and ask her if she’s been through a car accident, several surgeries and has to endure constant pain as a result! I am ready to stand up for myself if someone starts on me because I’m sitting down on a crowded bus.
I have arthritis in my hip (also brought on by a car accident) but unless I have my stick you wouldn’t know there was anything wrong. But when my hip ‘goes’, that’s it – I suffer from terrible pain that only prescription meds can ease. At that point, the pain is obvious because I start limping and it hurts so much that my expression says it all.
On the buses here in Liverpool, there is a sign in the wheelchair space that says buggies may use it IF it is not needed by a disabled person. I am waiting for the day when some dozy mare with a megastroller won’t move for someone who really needs that space, and I really really hope I’m there to put that mare in her place.
I wouldn’t have given her a seat and you shouldn’t have felt guilty about it either ; especially because she was nasty about it. And what about every one else on the bus? I am sure you weren’t the only one with a seat. I am sorry and this goes for the elderly and pregnant and disabled , if you start demanding a seat because you have an entitlement complex then you shouldn’t get a seat. I feel so bad for you. I hope you’re having an easier time walking.
Fortunately I can’t remember anyone pregnant showing entitlement when I’ve offered them a seat. More often than not it’s relief. But if I suspected even a whiff of entitlement I might very well reconsider my offer. After all it was their choice to become pregnant…as for women with those oversize strollers… don’t even get me started on that one – especially the ones who choose to travel in the rush hour with them.
Omg! there was this one incident concerning an oversized stroller on a croweded train. It was later in my senior year of highschool in 2008 ; I got on the four train on Brooklyn Birdge City Hall and the tain was packed. When I boarded the train, people were pushing there way in behind me. A man was sitting down with a jumbo sized stroller with his daughter in it that looked to be about 18 -24 months. Well I fell on top of her because passengers were obviously pushing to get in. This guy started yelling and cursing me out through most of the train ride. It was so embarrassing because the train was crowded and everyone’s looking at me. But as he was yelling at me , I was thinking to myself. The MTA specifically states that NO strollers should be open while boarding the train; they should be snaped shut. I don’t even know why a 1 1/2 – 2 year old child is in a large stroller made for infants when she should be in the smaller stroller for toddlers. Don’t be pissy when you’re being an inconsiderate asshole , wrap the stroller up for petesake!
No, I don’t.
I generally do not give up my seat, although, in my defence(!) I am disabled.
I think people do have a sense of entitlement at times though – not just pregnant ladies but also older people etc….but then many people have a bad attitude too.
The other day I caught the tram, and sat in a “priority” seat, labelled with “please give up this seat if there is someone who needs ot more than you”. Fair enough. There were 5 such seats in the carriage I was in, and it was off peak. A young lad got on at the same time as me and sat in one of the others, leaving 3 free.
At the next stop a lady in her 60s got on. She walked straught up to the young lad (who was about 17 at a guess) and said “MOVE! I want to sit there and I deserve to. I’m in my 60s, so shift”. I couldn’t believe how rude she was! There were other seats free, and no need for her to be aggressive. The lad got up, and said “You know, you could just ask politely”. She made some kind of “how dare you” comment and sat in his vacated seat. Oh, and she was wearing high heeled shoes. I think that was what really peed me off!
if someone asks me politely, and I am having a good enough day to be able to stand, I will give up my seat. But otherwise I just aplogise, and if needs be I show them my disability pass.
The ones who really annoy me are the mothers with the big buggies, who try to demand you move out of the priority seats so they can park the pram…when the kid isn’t even in it and its loaded with shopping bags instead.
I’m waffling now aren’t i?!
Nope. As some have already stated it’s a situation she put herself in (unless of course she’s a rape victim – if I knew that (which pretty much means I would know the woman quite well, and I’m very courteous to good friends) then I’d move both happily willingly). Unless the stranger is going into labor I wouldn’t move.
Luckily, I live in a part of America where bus riding is dangerous, so I’m rarely ever in such situations anyway.
Now the elderly and handicapped are a different story entirely. I’d move happily and quickly for them. The elderly have managed to survive the craptastic mess of a world we live in for so long they deserve far more benefits they are given, and every possible courtesy. Obviously handicapped individuals did not ask to be in the positions they are in, and they too deserve every possible courtesy to make their lives a little bit easier.
Unless of course the handicapped person injured themselves doing something…like the many people I know who have broken their backs or necks horseback riding…it was their choice to ride the horse, why should they get any sympathy?
I’m about 7.5 months pregnant right now and as much as I believe in overpopulation as an issue, I think there is nothing wrong with having one child, which is what I’m doing. I was pregnant once before and I had an abortion. It effed me up for life–it’s definitely not something you can or should say every woman who gets pregnant accidentally should do. Unfortunately all the welfare moms who have like 8 kids and expect taxpayers to pay for them kinda eff it up for those of us who just want one child to carry on their genes and their name. I think most people on here (who all seem to be female for the most part) just sound like bitter little b*tches who no one loves. It’s possible to be a decent human being and still care about our footprint on earth. You people are the ones wrecking the gene pool, maybe your moms should have “taken care” of *you*. We could stand to use a whole lot less assholes in this world. And for the record, I don’t have a sense of entitlement just because I’m pregnant. I work 45 hours a week, I don’t complain about my “condition” except to joke about it and I recognize it’s “my fault” even if I do complain. That being said, I’m in pain almost constantly, not to mention it’s been a steady 90something degrees outside and is living HELL when you have something baking in your belly. It’d be nice of someone to offer up a seat or open a door for me every now and then but I don’t ever feel like I deserve it just because I’m pregnant. Just common courtesy to someone who’s likely in more discomfort than you.
Shut your filthy mouth, breeder.
I think I saw the same article or post, and the rationale there was “You need to give me your seat because I am carrying a future tax payer who is going to support you.” That logic completely infuriates me. Maybe you’re carrying a future serial killer in there, or a retard. So maybe I am that tax payer that is supporting you and him both! I don’t think pregnant women are doing the society or more specifically (and importantly!) me a favor. They are having a child because they want a child, not to make sure that I have adequate medicare in 40 years. So I don’t feel that they are owed seats. If I am sitting and am not too tired or just have a few stops left and I see someone who needs the seat, I would get up. But sometimes I just don’t, and I think that I have every right to. I paid for the ride, I pay taxes to support the train and bus system, and its a first come, first serve seating system. Everyone knows this. If you want to ride in comfort, ask the dude that knocked you up for a car. That’s my answer to “I am doing you and the world a huge favor.”
this made me lol, thanks og217
I never -offer- my seat to anyone. If I see someone I’m willing to give up my seat for, I just get up and walk away as much as I can. I’m not interested in having my polite gesture interpreted as anything else.
I’ll only give up my seat to a pregnant woman if she’s in labor and I’ll never give up my seat to someone who’s handicap is being massively obese.
I would give up my seat for a pregnant woman (although it’s not always easy to recognize whether a stranger is or isn’t pregnant, and in the cases where the distinction may be ambiguous could lead to awkward situations) as standing for prolonged periods could make them ill. I’d give up my seat just as I would for any other ill or less-abled person. I do this for the pregnant woman as a courtesy for concern for her health (and, admittedly, the desire to not be puked on,) not because I think pregnancy entitles one to privileged status, or because I think her fetus is special.
Women should not be travelling the bus if they can”t stand on their feet. They get knocked up and expect people just to give them a seat.
They don’t expect people to give them a seat, they paid the same as you did. As for the parking spaces complaint in another post; I was pregnant and someone parked so close to my car that be and my belly couldn’t get back in! I had to climb over the passengers seat which must have been a good show considering I was 8.5 months pregnant! I never thought about it before being pregnant but now I can see the benefit of having a wider parking spot even if it is not closer to the door.
Refusing to give up my seat seems a little militant to me, perhaps because of old-fashioned chivalry. I’m not looking to be the Rosa Parks of childfreedom.
I don’t mind giving up a little bit of comfort to help pregnant women. They’re bringing the next generation into existence, and I need the next generations to exist. I’ll be damned if I’m going to deepfry my own french fries (er, I mean, chips) when I’m 90 years old, and I want that food bagged really fast, not by another 90 year old man.
It’s just long-term self-interst and common courtesy to the help, really.
Okay so today I’m on the bus ready to go home after class and tired from standing for most of the day.(I’m train for hair design/hair dresser) I have to carry around this big bag(the one with the wheels like a suitcase) that has my school stuff in it. So finding a seat on the bus is not an easy thing most of the time I’m left standing till the bus clears out a bit. Which I don’t have a problem with, first come first served; you know. I got lucky today…or unlucky really.
Let me explain, when I get on the bus after pay. I stay near the front of the bus close to the doors and set my bag down ready to stand, for a good amount of the ride, I turn around and see an available seat so I pick up my bag walk over sit down and place my bag in front of my seat, trying to make sure it’s out of the way as much as I can so people have room to stand.
As the bus ride continues the bus stops and pick up passengers and the bus becomes crowded beyond belief. I close my eyes and star to relax a bit until the bus stops again, I’m ready to re-close my eyes when I see that the new passenger is an elderly woman.
So I’m like crap, I know I have to get up and I want to, but their is no room to move- I mean none. I would have caused more damage trying to pick up my bag and move around just to give this woman my seat. So I decide that it’s best not to get up and cause a ruckus.
Which in itself made me feel like shit.
And to add salt to my ‘boo-boo’ the over weight/obese woman I’m sitting next to offers up her seat ready to disturb everyone to give up her seat; which is nice for the elderly woman.
But in her doing so, people turned to me and gave me the stink eye. The elderly woman turned down the seat, because she was with her husband,whom I didn’t notice till later.
I’m 19 by the way…FML.
If you were my age and in my situation, what would you have done?
I can’t stop thinking about it. I would really like to know how other would approach this situation, I’m not sure if it’s right to disturb everyone else just to give her my seat and have 3 other people move with me so I can move my bag out of her way…..
God I feel like shit, because of the looks people gave. but mostly because I’m not sure what I should have done. PLEASE TELL ME YOUR OPINION!
Some of the nasty comments here absolutely confirm the ‘selfish’ childfree stereotype! I would give up my seat without any hesitation to a pregnant mom just as I would give up my seat to an old lady carry heavy bags – after all the pregnant woman is carrying something far more precious – a human life! God forbid she falls and gets hurt! I grew up in India where like many under developed countries women do not have the kind of rights we enjoy here- many times pregnancy is not a choice but a form of oppression and control. In a civil society like ours we have the privilege of making choices- having children may be a choice but let us not forget that we need children to keep continuity. The next generation of doctors that treat us to the next generation of tax payers and soldiers are going to be someone’s children. The least we can do since some of us made a choice to be child free is to be civil to others to who have made a choice to have children! Some call it karma! Pass on the good fortune! As for me – I’ve had two miscarriages and lost a child born premature. Only after I became a mom did I realize the meaning of selflessness..this has been my experience and I don’t expect others to understand and neither do I feel entitled to sympathy. It is what it is!
Don’t bitch about getting stung when you were the one f*cking with the hornet’s nest.
But I suppose you just couldn’t resist getting in your 2 cents on the matter. Does it feel better now that all that pent-up, self-righteous indignation is out? If you really believed “it is what it is” you wouldn’t have left your little rant in a blog WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE is for CF people to get away from people like you.
That still doesn’t make YOUR condition MY problem!
Get over yourselves already. Pregnant women are not entitled to special treatment, nor should they be. Being pregnant doesn’t mean being incapacitated.
Also, anyone can fall down anywhere, not just on a bus. And women are not the only ones subjected to abuse and control by others. So those are flimsy reasons to expect someone to give up their seat for you. Stop acting like YOUR problems matter more than mine because your a woman!
There are far worse conditions than being pregnant. What makes pregnant women think THEIR condition matters more than everyone else’s?
You are the one who sounds spoiled and selfish.
No, I learned a long time ago never to assume that a women is preggers, they could just be fat and/or carry their weight in the stomach ( fat lady + mentioning baby = pissed off fat lady, embarrassing incident as a child). Also, I have a friend who is TINY but has a bit of a belly (she is in no way fat) and no matter how much she works out it will not go away.
People are always making a comment about her being pregnant and it just crushes her self esteem, I feel so bad for her. But if someone looks really in need of a seat (struggling elderly, injured people, even hungover college kids) and I don’t really need it myself, then I will offer it up.
I believe it was Dave Barry who said you should never ever assume a woman is pregnant, no matter how she looks, unless there is an actual baby coming out at that moment. Guessing wrong is horribly embarassing.
No, since when did being pregnant become a disability….or a problem? And if it truly is a physical problem then why do it in the first place. I refuse to give up a parking space or a seat to someone who chose to get pregnant and then demands that society accomodate the inconveniences that go along with that. I will give up my seat anytime for someone who is disabled, or the elderly, but not to someone who is pregant, they need to accept responsibility for their own choices….and not force their choice on others or demand special accomodation because of their choice.
I agree that pregnancy and fat are not “disabilities” but states one chooses to be in. I know how hard it is to lose weight, but it can be done. Similarly, it may be a pain to use birth control, but it can be done. If you choose to be/stay pregnant or fat, don’t get huffy if I lack sympathy for you and don’t feel the need to get up for you.
Nobody can see the torn tendons in my feet or the bone loss in my knee caps that make it painful for me to walk or stand for long periods so nobody is going to offer up a seat for me for my discomfort… and I wouldn’t demand or even ask for them to either. If it hurts horribly, the ride is NOT that long.
Why on earth are would someone use a bus when they have decided they can afford a baby anyhow? It strikes me as just as odd when someone has kids in an apartment. If you are going to choose to have kids, you should be able to provide suitable transit and housing for them. If you’re in an apartment and riding the bus, methinks you’re not financially ready for the baby. A bit of planning? (Oh wait, they’re against anything like planning or … I dunno … thinking about what’s best for the kid. Never mind.)
I totally agree. I once tried to have a german shephard in a tiny apartment and it didnt work. Everobody told me it was foolish and selfish. They were right. How come we are heartless people when we think the same about children? Each morning I see the same dad taking the crowded bus with his toddler. he looks so depressed… I always feel sorry for him…
I guess it would depend on how I was feeling, how far I had to go, etc. If someone looks like they’re uncomfortable and/or in pain and I’m not, then I’ll give them my seat. Pregnant, disabled, elderly, etc.
One thing that keeps me from joining a lot of childfree groups is the hate that seems to pervade a lot of them. Yes, we all know that breeding excessively is bad for the planet, but the race has to perpetuate itself somehow. You can’t assume that everyone who is pregnant is breeding with reckless abandon? What if that pregnant lady you’re not giving your seat to is a university physics professor who takes public transportation because it’s better for the environment, and her first and only baby is going to be well-cared for, educated, and grow up to be a productive member of society? You don’t know people’s stories, how or why they got pregnant, how long they waited to start their families, what their financial/socioeconomic status is, etc.
Have some compassion and remember that just because you don’t want to breed doesn’t mean you have to spew hate toward those who do. Do or do not give your seat to the pregnant lady as a matter of personal policy – not because you think she deserves to stand on her swollen cankles because she made the choice to do so.
How could whether this university professor got a seat on the train affect the child’s development? It’s just uncomfortable for her.
I’m overweight, you can bet I am more uncomfortable standing than her, should I get given a seat? Hells no.
I REALLY hate it when im sitting on a train and some elderly or obese person comes in the next stop and walks right up to where I am sitting expecting me to jump off and lay a red carpet on for them to my seat, just bcos I am young. They can f@ck right off!! If they wanted a seat so bad they should have got on at an earlier stop or wait till its more quieter. Ignorant people.
Wow… I used to be apart of the childfree group until the unthinkable happened. It devastated me however i could not fathom abortion so i *chose* to remain pregnant knowing the next 18 years of my life were over. During the long 9 months, i never felt entitled or expected people to cater to me and i never used the maternity spaces. I do feel pregnant women should make it priority to keep active as it is not a disability. However some of you commenters are extremely nasty and cynical for some reason? I pray the child i have is apart of a more kind and respectful generation than this. Just because one chooses to have no kids doesnt mean they need to insult those that do by saying theyre overpopulating their precious mother earth! Stop being so sore!
see your sense of entitlement has kicked in already! Please remain noble and dont accept govt parenting handouts, and don’t impose your child on others in planes and nice restaraunts. And if your child grows up to ignore you when you’re old, I
hope you think it was all worth it. BTW its more than 18 years, kids are living off their parents till past 30 these days. I have many stressed, tired friends coping with that situation with no light at the end of the tunnel. Thank god i chose not to have them.
“Just because one chooses to have no kids doesnt mean they need to insult those that do by saying theyre overpopulating their precious mother earth!”
Ummmm, we can say that, because they are. World population just exceeded 7 billion last October. It is projected to be between 9 and 10 billion in 2050. The resulting consumption and pollution have greatly contributed to decrease in: arable land (for growing food), fresh water, clean air. There is even greater demand for oil (which is running out). Good to know people are fixating on the “evil” of abortion…because the excess population gets killed off in much more humane ways: famines, wars, natural disasters, etc. Gimme a break.
Another “should I give up my seat?” moment happened again today (it happens every day, morning and evening!), but I was so exhausted and dizzy, plus standing for two buses which were very late, with severe post car crash injuries that nobody else knows about or sees except me, I decided to not give up my seat, and feel like shit for not doing so…you can’t win can you!
No I would not give my seat to a pregnant woman, she is not disabled or anything. If taking the bus and possibly standing is too much of a hassle she should get the father of the baby to buy her a car or drive her around.
I’ve raised 3 kids of my own, and yeah its tough, but human beings have been doing this for millions of years also. Sometimes you really need to sit, and if someone gives up the seat for me, that’s great. If they don’t, I won’t whine that they’re inconsiderate. Sure, they may be inconsiderate, but i’m not disabled either. I worked in a hot kitchen for 10 or 12 hour days during the last months of my pregnancies and i’m still alive and kicking. I haven’t broken or anything.
Its like a lot of things in the world. Like welfare/food stamps: the person who genuinly needs it vs. the person who does not work and just expects everything free. I take pride in being independent, and i am trying (god help me) to instill this on my kids
Even if I was 8 months pregnant or so a disabled an elderly person would get my seat. Being disabled and elderly isn’t temporary.
“Have some compassion and remember that just because you don’t want to breed doesn’t mean you have to spew hate toward those who do.”
“Just because one chooses to have no kids doesnt mean they need to insult those that do by saying theyre overpopulating their precious mother earth! Stop being so sore!”
“”Parents are the ones who should stop being sore. I actually feel sorry for kids of parents like these because they will think certain groups of people are more important than others. . Why do today’s parents feel so entitled?
:The next generation of doctors that treat us to the next generation of tax payers and soldiers are going to be someone’s children.”
They’re bringing the next generation into existence, and I need the next generations to exist. I’ll be damned if I’m going to deepfry my own french fries (er, I mean, chips) when I’m 90 years old, and I want that food bagged really fast, not by another 90 year old man.”
Those child free by choice or not have paid more than their share of taxes. Think about that the next time you complain about them. If you are talking of social security we get that whether we have kids or not. / You won’t be 90 if you keep eating deep fried
To the poster by name of “Sheryl” who thought they could include insults in their comment – I’ve deleted it. I suggest said poster read the comment policy. On this blog people are civil. Different opinions are fine, insults are not – whether directed at me or any other poster. Don’t post here if you can’t tell the difference.
If a pregnant woman falls that could kill her baby. I am 10 weeks and I am advised not to ride a bike do to the risk it poses to the baby so I think a bus is the same way. I stand though and I don’t bitch but I make sure I am safe when I am standing and if i begin to get short of breath dizzy I ask to sit. Being pregnant is not a disease but it does limit you a lot.
So glad to find others lamenting that sense of entitlement that parents seem to have these days. Waiting for 20 min in line for a bus, only to have two parents with a monster stroller – without the kid in it, of course – hop right on without waiting in line at all. Just because you now have a kid, doesn’t mean you get to jump the queue. Oh, and if the kid isn’t in the stroller…COLLAPSE IT DOWN. These things fold up for a reason, and it is to save space, which is perfect for rush hour public transit.
As for whether or not I give up my seat…I don’t usually get a seat to give up. And if I do, it depends. I have a chronic pain disorder, combined with a knee injury. Everyone else just sees “fat”, but there’s a reason I’m sitting, and it’s not lazy. It’s pain and often dizziness and the inability to keep my balance. If I’m having a good day, then yes, I will give up my seat, but it would first go to an elderly person or someone who has a physical injury or disability.
I think I am somewhere in the middle. I’m 29, and currently nine months pregnant with who will be my first and only child. I used to ride the bus and always gave up my seat to people who appeared to need it more than I did.
I personally do not feel entitled to special privileges or treatment, simply common courtesy. I was volunteering at the mall today for a Christmas event and for the first time was truly appalled by the behavior of the people around me. I was walking to the restroom, and while my speed isn’t what it used to be a few months ago, I still keep a pretty good pace. However I hear this lady behind me say in a loud voice, “Go around her, she is walking too slow.” I turned to see who it was, and it was an extremely obese getting pushed in a wheelchair! My gut reaction was to tell back a few choice words, but I realized quickly I would look like a psycho.
My point is I plan to be a person who continues to treat others the way I wish to be treated. It is a little sad that pregnant women are put into the same
* niche. Not all of us think the world revolves around us.