Childfree “bingoes.” They range from mildly irritating to downright insulting. We aim to avoid them but it’s almost impossible. They seem to come at us when we are unprepared – so no short sweet answers are at the ready. Until afterwards when it is too late and you are thinking “Grrr I wish I had said that!”
Or it means always being on the alert for bingoes. Which is no fun at all and very exhausting.
Who launches bingoes? Almost exclusively parents or parents to be.
I personally never and would never ask a person the kinds of questions the childfree regularly get from childed people. And I don’t ask people why they had kids… Even though there are many reasons not to have them.
Some popular childfree bingoes are:
“When are you going to have kids?”
“Who will look after you when you’re old?”
You’re not really a woman til you’ve given birth.”
“It’s different when they’re yours…”
“Why don’t you have kids?”
“You”ll grow up once you have a child” (for the guys)
“You’ll settle down once you have kids” (Another for the guys).
“Why bother getting married if you’re not going to have children?”
“Isn’t that a bit selfish?” (Many variations of this one).
“But what will you do with your days/life/time/ if you don’t have kids?”
There are many more bingoes and I am sure you can list them. As I get older I find I get fewer childfree bingoes. Or perhaps I am simply better at deflecting them, changing the subject, or coming up with a let’s-stop-this-conversation-right-now response. It also has to do with my friends – if they have kids they know not to start with the questions – or their kids are older. Above all I have found it is important not to become defensive…even though this is easier said than done.
But what about you? Share the most annoying bingoes you’ve had – and to help other childfree men and women looking for ways to respond to these annoying intrusions – please share ideas for responding to, or dealing with the bingo.
Over to you.
{ 3 trackbacks }
{ 75 comments… read them below or add one }
← Previous Comments
My baby-spewing, bible-toting sister-in-law once asked me when (not if) my husband and I were having our first child. I responded that we had decided to remain childfree and focus on our carrers. She angrily informed me that “God has put you on this earth to have babies and it is your duty as a woman to do so…” Wow! I feel sorry for my brother.
“You’d change your mind if you’d just move in with me. You’ll see that they’re not always like this.”
This came from a man I dated who had a couple of children from a previous marriage. I had told him from the get-go that I wasn’t interested in having children — we’d only thought of each other as a fling originally.
But when things started getting more serious, I reluctantly allowed him to introduce me to his children and started spending the night when his children were around (originally he had shipped them off to grandma’s or done sleepovers with friends when I was spending the night).
The constant fighting between them, the whining, the bad manners. The coming into the bedroom and waking us up at 5:30 in the morning. The constant need for attention. It was too much. And I told him so…multiple times. And that was the bingo he laid on me.
We had a day of just “us and the kids”, and I remember him sighing with contentment that it had been a “good day”…despite the kids ending up in a fight that had to be physically broken up with threats of punishment, and both of the children throwing at least one temper tantrum apiece over some minor issue.
If that’s a good day, I didn’t want to stick around to see the bad ones!
← Previous Comments