Discuss.
If you’re childfree, how many times have you been informed “you wouldn’t understand because you don’t have kids?” Even though, because you are childfree – you probably understand far more than the parents give you credit for. Enough, at least to know that it’s not the life you want. Enough to know you often have to make allowances for parents – and children.
As a childfree person have you been told you are not qualified even to comment on, or give any child–parenting-related advice at all - even to siblings and friends? Even if the advice is actually spot-on and helpful?
So, if you, as a dhildfree person supposedly don’t “understand anything about kids and parenting because you don’t have kids” and you’re not qualified to comment on kid-related stuff to parents or similar… then aren’t parents even less qualified to comment, let alone understand childfree people or the childfree life?
If the answer’s yes, then why do the childed feel they are qualified to tell us any one of the number of things they often tell the childfree…
“You’ll love them once you have your kids…”
“You’re missing out if you don’t have kids…”
“Wait until you’ve had kids of your own…” (This one always sounds rather like a threat to me)
“You haven’t really known love until you’ve had a child…”
“You haven’t met the right man/woman, when you do you’ll want to have kids…”
“You’ll change your mind…”
“You’ll regret it if you don’t….”
You’ll grow up once you have a kid…”
“You’ll [insert bingo here]…”
Perhaps we should have a stock phrase, similar to the one they use. Something like “You couldn’t possibly understand, since you’re not childfree…you’re not qualified to comment.”
Thoughts?
{ 48 comments… read them below or add one }
I’ve heard parents say something along the lines of “I was childfree before I had my kids so of course I know everything about your life”….ugh so condescending.
I feel the same way. They were fencesitters.
I tell ya, the childed are the most obnoxious group I’ve ever encountered (mostly online).
Parents always thought they knew a lot about kids which is not true. Why do parents need to consult a child specialist when they can’t handle their own kids.They thought they know their kids well, why do these kids become little rebels one day?There are parents who don’t even know how to educate their own kids! So, how can they comment on the childfree singles? How much do they know about their kids? Childfree singles have parents too. They know how their parents have suffered growing kids. Those parents who like to comment on CF, don’t forget that one day their own children are the CF to be! What to regret being CF? Many CF men and women are happy with their life.Perhaps these parents are jealous of the CF life; having a lot of freedom, less drama,less quarrels and financially independent, so they must say something to upset others. I respect parents but not those who can’t be bothered to educate their own kids. As an educator, I’ve come across many parents who don’t know even know how to educate their own kids.
(1) I think the “logic” is that they know both what it was like to have not had kids, and what it’s like to have them, so they can of course butt in on your life. We, on the other hand, “only” know what it’s like not having kids.
I’ve never understood why being childfree means I can’t disapprove of your child screaming in a library, or kicking my airplane seat, or banging on my laptop in a café. (Yes, all those things have happened.) I once had to stop a three year old from running in front of a tram, and had his irate mother telling me that since I don’t have kids (I’m 22 but look about 15, so people tend to assume I don’t have them) that I couldn’t POSSIBLY judge her.
Frankly, I’ve always worked on the assumption that, if it takes a village to raise a child, then the village gets a say. If you don’t ever want people to judge you, then the village doesn’t have an obligation.
(2) Also, parents (especially mothers) tend to get so overwhelmed that they start to forget what life was like before they reproduced. They start to look back and see it as a time with “no responsibilities”, when they weren’t “real adults”.
I once read Kathy Lette, the author, making an incredibly sanctimonious statement that men and “childless” women couldn’t ever have real difficulties in managing their time because only mothers ever had real responsibilities. (She then presumably went back to nailing herself to a cross.)
So, a lot of the time, they genuinely see childfree people as feckless and immature. There is so much for parents to do, and they are hit with so many new and overwhelming responsibilities when they have children, that they forget that people without children have them too – and that they had them before they had kids as well. That’s where the “you’ll grow up when…” bingo comes from.
To answer your second paragraph…don’t you know that we have to respect the fact that they have kids, but they don’t have to respect the fact that we DON’T have kids….ewwwwww.
I hear you.I am a member of this forum for women.choosing the childfree life can make some people,especially in my country,raise eyebrows.I made a thread to at least find some childfree people like me.our topics are getting really interesting and informative.when it got to this discussion of being bothered by pesky kids whom their parents let them “express” (read: scream,run around in church,cafe,other public places),I made a comment,”yeah,they let their children run around and scream in church.I would love to put those kids in the sack and throw them in the mountain so they can scream all they want without disturbing others”.sooner, these mothers came in and attacked me all they want, which even lead me to being watched by moderators.the funny thing is,I didn’t even put the thread in the Parenting board.I put it in the Marriage board.
I can only liken the irritation, to the same irritation I feel about views on religion.
Deeply religious people insist you must feel X because they feel X, therefore your actual feeling of Z, and contemplation of Y is invalid. Apparently YOU don’t understand anything. What a silly person you are.
Why are people so unreasonable. Sorry but I feel something different about kids, life, and the universe than you do. You have picked blueberry ice cream, I have picked Blackberry ice cream. They are just different things.
I do not enjoy kids the way you do. I do not want kids. I am NOT fooling myself. I am not invalidating your own existance by choosing to not have them.
Please stop saying I need them in any context. Stop saying I am missing out, or will only know some great secret by having them. I don’t have to go out and break a leg in order to know that breaking a leg is very unpleasant.
I. AM. NOT. YOU.
Ah, a good vent once in a while works wonders. Yay for finding this blog. Now, off I go to the beach. On a whim, without having to prep any kids for anything! Haha! ^_^
Oh almost forgot:
Original: “You’ll love them once you have your kids…”
Counter: I am not going to have a kid, just to learn to like them. How irresponsible do you think I am?
Original: “You’re missing out if you don’t have kids”
Counter: Missing out on vomit, poopy diapers, sleepless nights, a noisy house, embarrassment in public, bumps, bruises, near self-poisonings, chicken pox, flu shots, obnoxious behavior, snotty hands and runny noses, unidentifiable stickiness, and other horrors? Or did you mean the stuff they do once they get past that stage? Because I’m old enough to build sand castles, dance in the rain, marvel at insects, collect rocks, learn new things, and enjoy life myself without having to have a kid to do that for me.
Original: “Wait until you’ve had kids of your own…” (This one always sounds rather like a threat to me)
Counter: and wait till your go off to college so you can start to enjoy life again.
Original: “You haven’t really known love until you’ve had a child…”
Counter: My brother, in his Juvy/ teen years did countless horrible law-breaking things that made my parents literally cry. I’m sure they would disagree with your concept of love. Humans start off selfish, they only stop being selfish when they are grown. Kids do not have to be involved in any way.
Original: “You haven’t met the right man/woman, when you do you’ll want to have kids…”
Counter: I’ve been with the same awesome guy for 10 years. I am quite frankly insulted. Get lost!
Original: “You’ll change your mind…”
Counter: Oh, could I offer you this pizza with anchovies, squid, peanut butter, peppermint and mechanical grease? I’m sure once you try it you’ll love it. You just have to eat it first so you can change your mind.
Original: “You’ll regret it if you don’t….”
Counter: I have heard that people say the same about jumping out of planes, or bungee jumping over a canyon. I still would prefer to do either of those activities instead of having a kid.
Original: “You’ll grow up once you have a kid…”
Counter: Who the hell wants to do that? I’m as grown up as I want to be, the rest of the time I’m enjoying life.
I believe there’s a double standard in the matter. Seems like the childed judge young childfreers, but don’t judge teen parents and wannabe childeders.
I’ve met some obnoxious mothers who felt like adults just because they bred.
Personally, I think the childed is secretly jealous of the childfree. They want the childfree to fall into their sorry world.
Here’s a new “Bingo”/guilt trip I haven’t seen before… You’ve given all the good baby names to your cats
Check it out: http://parentsshouldnttext.com/2865/baby-names/
Many folks feel they were once in our shoes, not wanting kids, happy and carefree. But then they changed their minds, it seemed so natural to them to change their minds, that they figure everyone will. My comeback is always that “25% don’t ever change their minds, 25% never have kid”s, and usually in any room of more than a few people of post childbearing age, I can point out at least one person who didn’t have kids and is happy. (I spend time with a lot of people 45+ (I am 31)). Sometimes, I can even point out a middle aged or senior who hates their kids too. More fuel for the fodder!
I think their reasoning is along the lines of misery loves company. Truth be told, raising children is a hard job, children have boundless energy and have nothing to do but spend all day thinking of ways to cause mayhem. That being said that doesn’t mean I don’t understand that certain behavior is unacceptable or a bad idea. And for the love of god, I’m more than qualified to say that I don’t like being yelled at or being tripped in the store by one of their little darlings.
If someone has kids and wanted kids then they never were childfree. The idea of being childfree is that you don’t have kids and don’t want kids, not that you don’t want kids right now. I think alot of parents remember when they were younger and didn’t want kids then and think that’s what it means to be childfree, but they still wanted kids “someday”. The people who have kids and don’t want kids is a whole different story. Those are the people who envy the childfree life and think everyone should be as miserable as they are.
I hate the conversation that I’m somehow lacking as a person because I neither have nor want kids. If thats true that means the guy who kids are nothing more than a deduction on his paycheck, or the guy who gets drunk and beats his kids or their mother is somehow a wiser, more responsible, and less selfish person than me. But I guess I’m not qualified to comment on the validity of drunken child beating as a parenting technique because I’m not a father.
A lot of good points have already been made, and I especially agree with Rick and Anon @ 6:17 above.
Being child-free is a choice that any parent could have made, but didn’t. Like most choices (religion, where to live, where to eat lunch, which breed of dog to buy), people are likely to give advice regardless of whether you asked for or wanted said advice.
I am open to any suggestions or advice on raising a child, whether it’s from a parent or someone who is child-free. It’s like people telling me that I can’t criticize a book because I’m not a famous author. Or someone telling me that I can’t think food taste bad because I’m not a gourmet chef. My biggest dream is to become a mother, but I would gladly take any advice I could from, well, anyone.
One more thing that I would like to add, is that sometimes some of the comments and posts I see on here come off as kind of rude.
I can’t speak for everyone, but I suppose that’s because the outspokenly childfree – who tend to be the ones that post – don’t have sleepless nights because they don’t make parents and parent wannabes feel warm and fuzzy.
I don’t go to parenting boards and blogs. What could I get out of them? Even if there’s something, at what price? They don’t consist of my peers, they are places for people who have actively chosen the thing I actively avoid.
One of the least rational things I could do would be to go there and complain about the tone. That’s what you’re doing here.
I have been a member of several child-free forums for many years. I am always amazed when parents or future parents read the posts &/or articles then comment that the people seem rude or bitter. I would never be interested in reading an article about potty training, teething, breatfeeding, etc… and I certainly would NEVER comment on parenting issues. So why would a parent come here to criticize? I think your post is the exact reason why the child-free may come across as rude, according to you. Often our lifestyle and opinion on children is discussed with like-minded people because it is viewed, by people like you, as rude. So when we find a community, such as this, that is supportive we are still criticized by parents. Honestly, your comments comes across as rude to me.
“Kind of rude?” And you’re not? In case you hadn’t read the very clear signposts – or the posts or the comments, just in case you could not be bothered to – this is a blog where people who are childfree – come to talk and share. We do not dream of becoming mothers or fathers. So if your greatest dream is to become a mother you need to find another blog that’s in sympathy with your dreams.
I can assure you, this isn’t it.
If your “biggest dream is to become a mother,” then at the very least you’re trolling the wrong board, kiddo. And, at the risk of sounding “kind of rude,” I think you need to dream some bigger dreams. Say hi to the gang over at Mothering.com, okay?
I have to agree with you. Being a parent is nothing special – tons of people are parents, (although my hat is off to the few among them who are actually good, responsible parents – they are a rare group indeed). What’s special are people trying to make the world a better place for everyone – doctors, scientists, teachers, care givers, volunteers, etc. My feelings have always been why keep bringing people into a broken world? It makes a lot more sense to fix it first, or at least to give homes to the millions of orphans before bringing more lives into this miserable mess.
Yes, giving birth is NOTHING SPECIAL! Millions of people do it everyday, its about as miraculous as taking a s***. Roaches give birth every 2 seconds, nothing special about it.
i think it depends on if said parents are truly honest with themselves.
I have three kids. …the first one….. i was young, and stupid. we messed around, no birth control. The second two? i was on the pill….but it wasn’t the right kind for me *sigh*
a major website recently asked (rhetorically of course) “knowing what you know now if you could go back and not have children would you do it? Of course not!” they laughingly answered their own question.
i’m sorry, i can love my children. give my life for them when they are in danger, do my very best to raise them right, be a GOOD parent……….and STILL say that i would definitly not have children if i could do it over. would i miss them? sure. miss them enough to knowingly sacrifice the rest of my life to raising them instead of pursuing my own interests…..sorry. call me horrible if you will. but no. i’d be childfree in a heartbeat.
i would say i am highly qualified to give you advice. If you feel you are not meant to have children and have no desire to have children…..by all means PLEASE be true to yourself. it is not fair to a child to have a mother that isn’t 100% commited to taking care of every single thing they need to grow up healthy and happy.
Get off this site, this is for people who are child-free. No one gives a hoot about your motherhood or 3 future felons.
@Liz-I actually am saving all my favorite names for my cats!
See, people on here are biased against anyone who wants to become a mother or likes kids. Almost as if they hate anyone who would ever like to become a mother. I don’t say bad things about people who to be child-free, and honestly, I don’t blame them. Being a parent is hard work.
Kamiorika. Don’t be stupid. I’m going to leave your comment because it shows you up. But if you post any more trolling comments trying to get a rise I will delete them and ban you from posting. Please read the rules for this blog and if you can’t abide by them don’t post.
So far not many people have given me bingoes about being childfree. I get to escape a lot of those by being a guy, I suppose. If a parent says he/she knows better than I do, I’m prepared to tell them that Oprah is my role model. (I’m not only a guy, I’m a white guy, so that would probably throw them off a little.) If they can convince her to change her mind, I’ll change my mind. How’s that for a deal?
On the question of my being disqualified to comment on parenting:
I’m willing to keep an open mind about that. Maybe I don’t have the experience necessary to understand. I can be polite and reasonable and come from a place of curiosity. I’m willing to learn something from a parent’s wisdom. Maybe I just don’t see everything a parent would see. I’ll try not to judge right away.
For example, I could say, “I know I don’t have children, so I’m a bit of an outsider here, but I’m wondering if you could explain to me the parenting technique you’re using, which is to allow your child to run screaming up and down the aisles hitting everything with a hammer?”
Or, “Excuse me, I’m childfree and probably not qualified to comment, but I’m curious about the policy of letting your child play in the middle of the street. It seems to my outsider’s perspective that it’s kind of dangerous. Maybe cars don’t understand because they’re not parents either?”
If they say they know more, call their bluff. Ask them to show their knowledge.
Childfree people are not qualified to tell parents anything about parenting? Well, Dr. Seuss didn’t have any kids, so you better keep his books away from your children. Oh yeah, better not put public schools in the position of picking up your slack as a parent, because many teachers are childfree. Can’t trust those people, can we? In fact, better stop hiring childfree people to be babysitters, come to think of it. What would they know about kids anyway?
thank you.
nobody takes a young childfree woman seriously. even when she gets less young, the response is, ‘well, lots of women are having children around 40 these days.’ (too old, and that’s another blog post altogether.)
i’m looking forward to the day i discover that one magical response that stops them dead in their tracks. your post, and others like it are a great first step – a collective brainstorming is in the works here.
i’m an aunt and love it! but love going home to my peaceful house. i think my family is finally starting to understand me. now to work on the rest of the world…
Every parent I’ve met has said, “No one can tell you or prepare you for what it is going to be like to have a child. I had no idea it was going to be so hard but I wouldn’t change it for anything.” In other words, they were clueless until they did it despite their own kind trying to describe it to them. Well, my childfree life is unfolding as I envisioned it, no regrets, a career I enjoy, and the energy to improve the areas I want to improve. It’s not perfect, that was never an expectation. Parents can comment on my childfree life, and I can comment on their life but it doesn’t guarantee that either side will be accurate. The experience is different for everyone.That being said, I have no desire to understand what it is like to be a parent, I know enough to know I don’t want it and I got the life I wanted when I chose to not breed.
There was a ridiculous article a few years ago about how much a stay at home mom would earn if she were paid for her role as doctor, psychologist, chef etc. If the average stay at home mom had an M.D., a Ph.D., was formerly a professional chef, and the various licenses and educational degrees to qualify for those titles, then yes, I could see the point. But very few working professionals let alone stay at homers have accumulated that many qualifications. If you want a stay at home mom doing your open heart surgery instead of a working surgeon who has spent the their lives doing open heart surgery, be my guest, but don’t tell me they should command the same salary. The implication that mothers develop skills that automatically qualify at a highly selective level is ridiculous. Getting knocked up and not having the child taken away by child protective services does not make you a doctor, a psychologist, or a chef.
Well, consider this, someone tells you first that he/she really is a town person and would never like to live in a village and next gives you an advice on how to organise your country home. Sounds strange, doesn’t it? so does a childfree advising on parenting.
As for the parents, they dont declare that they do not like childfree people or that they did not enjoy their pre-children life, why would they be allowed to comment of a life style that does not include children?
I’m trying to decipher the existence of this blog. Really I do not understand why someone needs to “enlighten” others about his/her view of an aspect of life. I’ve gone through some articles and comments, and while I agree 100% that both partners should be on the same page about having kids, I see that many of the “information” is delivered using a sarcastic tone, giving kudos to those who agree with you views, qualifying those who don’t like like whiners and what they write as rants (yes, I read that from a comment). The fact that this is a blog about being child free doesn’t mean that you have to be rude with others. That is part of being tolerant (yeah, intolerance is one of the major reasons for the unhappiness of this world, not having kids or not). What I really see is A LOT of hidden unhappiness, and bitterness because those who are child free AND ok with themselves do not really have the need of putting their time and energy into creating and maintaining a blog about how bad is to have children. Get a life. A productive one, without hatred. Ah, by the way, I think a better way to enlighten people about deciding whether to have children is with information about family planning and sexual health.
To use your own words Andrea – get a life. Feel free not to visit again (ever) or read any posts here. But understand that if you start making any personal ill-informed attacks (disguised or otherwise) I’ll ban you. Have a nice life.
some interesting comments on this thread (and some bizarre ones too).
I think it is an interesting topic, because for the most part people just cannot or will not comprehend any decision that runs counter to theirs when it comes to having kids. I hear time and again the comments like “you’re too young to make that decision” as a twentysomething woman. Yet these same people would be congratulating me if I were pregnant. So how can I be too young to make a choice about kids yet old enough to HAVE kids? makes no sense.
Recently I was chatting with a friend of mine, who has a child. I mentioned that I thought midwifery would be a very interesting profession and she responded that I wouldn’t make a very good midwife as I haven’t had kids. I merely responded that to my knowledge the cardiology department doesn’t make a point of trying to recruit heart attack survivors, nor is the dementia unit run by staff with alzheimers. But to me, this whole “you cannot comment as you don’t have kids” is the same thing. Of course I can comment. Sure, theres the chance I’m wrong, but so could a parent be. But I can talk to my friend about her divorce despite having never married, I can talk to my neighbour about their dog even though I keep cats, I can talk to my Grandma about her arthritis even though my joints are OK and I can discuss cars with my stepbrother even though I can’t drive – so why should kids be somehow offlimits?
I am strongly contemplating not having children; I am 30 years old now and, honestly, I must admit that I only look forward to being a parent once they are grown up, which is selfish. A lot of the people I know who have had children have admitted to me that that is why that had them. I think a lot of the time, misery likes company. There is a general lack of intolerance for childfree couples because parents don’t want to think of how enhanced their lives might be without children (i.e. more money, more personal time, much less stress, better sex life, better marriage, etc).
My fiance (who is also neutral about kids) and I have spent hours/days stressing over all of the stupid s*** you would have to worry about with kids. Questions like, “can we afford a big enough house in a safe area? (we are not a “suburbs” type couple and want to live in the historical part of our town) Can we afford to live on one income? Can we afford daycare? Is daycare even fair to the child? What will we have to give up financially to have children? Will I be able to stay fit? Will I get enough sleep? Will I go out of my mind? Will my career suffer? Will we even be happy? All of these questions have plagued/stressed us from the beginning. I feel so much more relaxed when we don’t have the kids conversation. I guess when it comes down to it, there are many more things like traveling, reading, kayaking, et. that get me excited about life. There are so many parts of the world I cannot wait to see, and I fear I will regret not doing that if I have children. As much as it would be great to have an adult relationship with your children (which is the only real part I crave) there’s no reason that I can’t befriend younger people when I am older. I personally have a friend who is 62 and we have a blast together! She is like a second mom to me, and I hope to have something similar when I am her age.
I have also noticed that childfree couples are also much more into each other and in love. I am a child of divorce (well, nowadays, who isn’t?) and I have always said it is far more important for me to have a good marriage full of love and affection than a child. I think when women have children they tend to neglect their husbands. I don’t want to be like that. I also don’t know if I am prepared to share my fiance’s attention.
I probably went in five different directions with this comment. I guess I just feel that I am willing to support my friends who have kids (and even listen to their countless stories that franly bore me after five minutes) and these friends should likewise support the decision I make. Like I said before, it comes down to “the grass is greener” syndrome. We all fear regret and we don’t want to feel like we missed out on anything. But life is about making choices and I am sorry, but you cannot have it all. That’s a myth.
Eray,
Your comment gave me the perfect response for my future mother-in-law who has insisted that have a child is one of the, if not THE, most important thing(s) a woman could ever do, and she was somehow insulted that I did not want kids. This woman got married and pregnant at 26 years old to a 49 year old man and very shortly after had a nasty divorce.. yet she wants to judge me….
“It is far more important for me to have a good marriage full of love and affection than to have a child.”
Like you said, life is full of decisions. No one should be judged if they make the right decisions for themselves. Thank you.
Eray,
Stick to your guns about not having kids. Most people give in to the biological imperative of propogating one’s genes in an effort to ward of existential angst.
Life is far more interesting and fulfilling than one might think with all things to see and do, there is no need to spoil it with kids.
You’d also be right about your observations about childfree couple’s reporting higher levels of marital satisfaction than couples embedded and burdened with the gargantuan task of childbearing and rearing.
Here is another interesting factoid: 70 percent of parents wish they had remained childfree. In other words, if they could back in time, they would have chosen to not have kids.
On a personal note, I am a childfree 39 year old woman and enjoy the vast arrays of benefits of this lifestyle. I don’t worry about finances, vacation time, free time, sleep time. I never have to worry about financing jogging strollers, hockey equipment, college degree for the kid(s), or having to pick up noisy, plastic toys from the living room. Live it up!
Eray, if are not 100% into having kids, then don’t do it. And if you hate stress and uncertainty and crave order, definitely don’t do it. If you do enjoy kids, you can always volunteer. There are many kids out there in need of a mentor. Whatever you do, good luck.
Eray, you have a strong understanding of the advantages of not having kids. You will lose those advantages right away if you cave. So don’t cave. Consider yourself lucky and informed to have realized all of this NOW, before you dive in and make this irreversible decision.
If you have a craving for a “kid fix,” then you can always do mentoring or volunteer work with kids. And you get to determine the level of the “fix” that you need to fulfill you. This is true for me in my volunteer work at several area schools. Most of the time it is for an hour or two, once in a while for a whole day. But when I get home afterward, I feel fulfilled and glad to have given those now happier kids back to their parents. Everyone wins!
I’m of the opinion that the childfree are just called out as childfree as a means to discredit them and ignore any valid points they made. If a fellow parent did the same thing, be it giving parenting advice that requires work, or didn’t excuse inappropriate behavior of kids or parents, that person would fin d some other way to invalidate that fellow parent’s words.
Eray, if are not 100% into having kids, then don’t do it. And if you hate stress and uncertainty and crave order, definitely don’t do it. If you do enjoy kids, you can always volunteer. There are many kids out there in need of a mentor. Whatever you do, good luck.
I once had a parent tell me, “If you don’t like crying children, stay at home!”. That’s when I decided, that these breeders deserve no patience or understanding from me. To suggest that I have no right to participate in society, because I haven’t given birth. That’s discrimination, and they made the choice to have a kid. I’m sick of parents whining about not being able to go out as much anymore, well guess what, when you have a child your life isn’t all about what you want anymore.
Parents have a right to immediately shut someone down, if they should offer even the slightest comment on their lifestyle, yet throw a tantrum when we’re allowed the freedom to participate without having to breed. I’m tired of bully parents controlling the lives of childfree people, and I think these bully parents should stop and think about what people will think of them. Will they get the sense that if they are so aggressive to a total stranger, that they agress towards their child at home? If they keep acting out, eventually someone will wonder if a imbalanced parent who throws tantrums, and screams over their children knocking down DVDs accidentally should be raising children.
Hey, if you don’t want to get mugged or hit by a bus or get kicked out of a restaurant because of your bratty kid, stay at home!
Whenever people claim that those who do not have children cannot know anything about raising children, or have anything valid to say, I shake my head. What about those who study to become early childhood educators? Paediatricians? Psychologists, social workers, child therapists? Daycare workers? Teachers? Is all of their hard work and study tossed out the window because they haven’t had a kids yet, or have decided not to have any at all?
When parents get annoyed when someone attempts to offer them advice, it is usually because they feel inadequate and instead of admitting that they don’t know anything, they lash out. If they can see that their parenting isn’t working re: rowdy kids, and someone calls them on it, they hate being seen as incompetent so of course they will get angry rather than deal with the actual problem. Pride and immaturity.
Oh, and ANYONE can be immature in some areas, regardless of age or life situation.
Well said.
I would add, too, that if not being a parent means you have no idea what it takes to raise children, then logically that means that no one goes into parenthood knowing anything about what it takes to raise children. Every parent begins life as a nonparent, ignorantly child-free just like the childfree by choice. This means that everyone who has their first child goes into it totally ignorant and clueless. Logically, this means that people choose parenthood out of total ignorance. Logically, this means that you cannot make an informed, competent choice to have children.
If all people without children are ignorant and incompetent, then that includes all first-time parents as well.
Another great case of anti-childfree logic actually making a good case for being childfree.
I just find this a very refreshing place to be, before I was sure that was going to remain childfree I tried my best to picture myself pregnant, in labor, waking up in the middle of the nite, missing work, daycare payments, first day of school & the thought of it turned me off. I just did not want the responsibility EVER, I resent people who want meto feel like I am less of a woman. I just know that having a child won’t prove anything, it will only make life harder for me and the child. My freedom is priceless and the most important lesson I learned in life is freedom isn’t free. I see women all around me bringing children into hopeless situations, then saying “I did the best I could” as if the innocent life was just a project or something. Thanks to all that have posted, very funny stuff here now I know I have a group of people who understand me.
I used to be a teacher, so I do know a bit about children. In my country one has to have a Master’s degree to teach. Quite often I met parents who simply could not raise their children properly…