So, I’ve been home to England for a wonderful holiday. Wasn’t long enough but I’m already planning for next year. I’ve been reading all the great comments on the blog by the way – as usual very enlightening and great conversation going on. Rock on childfree people!
Thankfully we had no kids kicking the back of our seats and even the crying child was tolerable (she didn’t cry for long thank goodness and frankly I was surprised – flying is hard on babies. Not a childfree flight by any means, but not that bad (these days we actually pray not to have a seat kicking kid behind us – or for that matter a screaming baby).
I didn’t watch the MVA (Music Video Awards?) as I’ve long stopped watching most TV – especially most TV where the artists all lip synch half the time. But it turns out there was no escape from today’s headline news…. which was that Beyonce confirmed she was pregnant. And Showed off her baby bump. The major news outlets could barely contain themselves and it was the leading news in most of them (or so it seemed). Of course there was the news of Hurricane Irene too, but, it seemed, only just.
I mean, seriously? A singer get’s pregnant…. what’s new? OK, it IS Beyonce. I guess that means something. I was just rather amused that it was such news (nothing against Beyonce).
What does that say about our society? I think it says society is still obsessed with women having babies no matter how successful they are. Never mind the number of famous people who say they are childfree.
Thoughts?
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I agree, it’s not news! Also not news? People that had babies during Hurricane Irene.
Oh, but it was worth it for the joke: they’re calling the fetus Pre-yonce.
Hi Britgirl,
I’m so with you on this one! First of all, happy as I am for Beyonce, when did a pregnancy become news?! It reminds me of that famous Demi Moore cover for Vanity Fair with her painted bump… which seemed to mark a sea-change in these matters.
I wonder if one of the things that’s going on in the culture is that as women become increasingly liberated, motherhood is becoming correspondingly fetishizhed as the ‘right’ way to be a woman. It’s the whole naked, barefoot and pregnant thing again… but this time with more bling. And Beyonce – well she was the FIRST ever female only act to headline at Glastonbury this year – and, whether you like her music or not – she’s an icon for certain kind of raw female power. So I guess her pregnancy will be lauded even more than other celebrity bumps – because now she’s going to stop being a ‘pretend man’ and start being a ‘real woman’.
It may all sound a bit ideological, but I do think there’s a lot of interesting stuff going on around what it means to be a woman in our culture, and much of it gets wrapped up in the motherhood-issue and presented back to us with a pink bow.
Thanks for this – and glad you had a nice holiday in London! (My home town)
Jody Day
Founder, Gateway Women (UK)
Supporting, inspiring & empowering childless/childfree women to live fertile, passionate lives!
I think the media feed on anything that moves- coupling, breaking-up, baby bump watch, drug scandals, every little or big thing in the lives of celebrities needs to be out there so the outlets can make some money. When the baby in question is the result of a power couple, whether it’s the Beckhams, Tom Cruise and his Robobride, or Beyonce and Jay-Z, it’s even bigger. I’m not sure it says anything more than there are Web sites and magazine pages that need to be constantly filled with some kind of content, and celebrities and their publicists who need to keep them in the news.
I don’t care about celebs, they bore me. We uphold celebs in this God-like status, when most of them wouldn’t know a proper days work if it hit them in the face. Most of them have very little talent and only look as good as they do because they don’t have a real job and have a cart load of money.
Beyonce’s pregnant. Whoop-dee-doo. It’s called biology. Anyone can have sex and, unless sterile, can get pregnant. It’s not rocket science and it isn’t a cure for cancer.
I completely agree with your comment
Thank goodness I am not the only one. I almost puked when I saw her rubbing her belly and I immediately changed the channel after seeing JayZ clapping and everyone all gushing. Um, who cares! I was so unimpressed when everyone was clapping wildly and so happy. Really? I say, nexxxttttt!
I agree with jackie, celebrities bore me. I had no idea about any of this until I read it here.
Celebrities are really just people that are famous because a lot of people think they are famous and thereby important. So when people who care about such things know personal information about a celebrity’s life, they feel connected to somebody that they think is important. Thus I don’t think the “news” about Beyonce being pregnant has much to do with the actual state of pregnancy. What will inevitably follow is people gushing about how Beyonce is a good mother and how she’s an inspiration,…..blah, blah. From the snippets I see on such things on TV, I often wonder how a celebrity can be a “good mother” when they take three month photo shots in Italy while their kid is back in california with the nanny.
I agree with Anne-Marie. Whether a celebrity is having a child, doing drugs, or walking into a convenience store wearing a certain kind of shoes (or no shoes, or red socks), it’s “news.”
That said, the persistent questions aimed at female actresses (Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Aniston) about whether they’re going to have children or when, and the speculation that their breakups are caused by their unwillingness to have children, is such a public way to impress upon women that somehow that’s the expectation. Of a WOMAN, anyway. (As infrequently as they ask men when they’re going to have children, you’d think women find a way to do it without sperm, the majority of the time. It also suggests women are naturally more interested in having babies, which is odd, because I’ve met far more men than women who want to have children – and two of them, I divorced as a near direct result.)
Britgirl, Anne-Marie and Sylvia are need to team up for a joint post, 3-way interview style. Or a video panel. You’re racing headlong toward some powerful observations and affirmations. Document the trialogue. It would be fascinating. Especially as a video panel.
I generally agree that the 24-hr news cycle and the proliferation of media outlets fuel the seedy side of all things celebrity. But this isn’t the root cause. It highlights and dilates and drowns out more substantial news. But the affliction is deeper, less comfortably discussed. I believe Jody Day comes close in her comment above:
“motherhood is becoming correspondingly fetishizhed as the ‘right’ way to be a woman”
I’d like to suggest that male celebs have been doing the same thing in recent years. In both cases it points to a deep cultural yearning for men and women to be moms and dads. Postcard perfect moms and dads. And lately there’s even a decidedly 1950’s yearning which seems to be shaping US perspectives on the perfect family. Weird then. Weirder now. What gives?
Why are couples with children referred to as “families” and couples without children referred to as “couples”? And why is it that we haven’t managed to liberate ourselves from the “need to breed” paradigm which celebrates parenthood and dismisses childfree couples as selfish mutants? Weird, weirder, weirdest!
Great post!
To me, the “showing off a baby bump” is obscene. So you’re gross, fat, distended and have a giant gut – awesome! Definitely something to show off! Ew. To me, it’s something embarassing and honestly, please stay home the last 2 months. No one should have to see the human body so grossly distorted. And please do not wear any “baby bump form fitting showing off” clothes either. Your swollen, vein-covered stomach and ginormous boobs with coaster-size nipples are just disgusting. I understand that’s what one has to do to have a child, and if you want a child, you are willing to look like a giant cow. Fine. But it’s certainly not something to show off. Please, cover up, wear a giant loose dress and again – please stay home when you get to be too unsightly. Only the guy who knocked you up should have to be subjected to you.
og217 – Well, that’s not nice. It’s perfectly acceptable if you don’t want to be pregnant and if you privately find pregnant bellies unattractive, but is it necessary to name-call and virtually spit on them on the Internet?
It’s just as tacky to attack pregnant women for being pregnant as it is to attack the child-free for never wanting children. If anything, your rabid disgust with pregnant women makes me wonder if you don’t secretly envy them. (Don’t worry – I wonder the same thing about parents who are equally disgusted by the child-free.)
There’s no reason not to be civil.
I am perfectly civil, but people have really crossed the line with what they subject others to these days. I constantly see obscenely obese teenagers in “sexy” outfits, stretch marks, flab and sags hanging out. I see way more cellulite-ridden, vericose-vein covered thighs and saggy floppy cleavage than I should. Of course you can’t say anything to these people because they have a right to be so “sexy,” but it does get embarassing and offputting to see so much fat, saggy, tattooed, dimpled and old flesh. Now pregnant joins all of that mess, too. Someone made up the myth that pregnancy is sexy (eeew! what??? why???) so women are supposed to “flaunt” their figures at their absolute least attractive stage in life. I just wish people wouldn’t. I’m not perfect or anything, but I don’t walk around with all my flaws in people’s face. To me, all this “sexiness” is the equivalent of sticking a swollen, callused, fungus-ridden foot in people’s faces and demanding they admire it because it’s “real,” “natural,” or something of a similar vein.
Assuming that it matters what celebrities are going through in their lives, then announcing pregnancy does make sense. It is a pretty big change in that woman’s life. If I’m curious about when someone’s next album is coming out, this could be useful information.
What irritates me is the suggestion that getting pregnant is some big accomplishment. You’re fertile. Congratulations. Considering that you don’t even have to be conscious to get pregnant, and you can get pregnant by accident, it hardly seems like a crowning achievement. Not to put too fine a point on it, it reminds me of congratulating a toddler for going poo all by himself. Your body works. Good job.
(I’m assuming Beyonce’s pregnancy is not the result of months of complicated fertility treatments, in which case I would eat these words.)
I turn off any stories about women having kids as soon as I hear them, whether they be celebs or not. So you’re having a kid. Big deal. Not interested. The woman who ran the Chicago marathon and then had the kid a few hours later made headlines, but I changed the channel. Why does everyone make a big deal out of natural processes? Putting leeches on a wound was natural in the 16th century, so are you gonna do that, too?
I’m CF and love kids and practically raised one for 3 years (biological parents separated, mother had another baby with the new boyfriend, first child travels back and forth between 2 different states.) The child was with me so much everyone thought I was his aunt, and I did a lot of the things his mother should’ve done: curfews, dealing with temper tantrums, reading bedtime stories, teaching him manners, making sure he ate, having him for 10-hour days and overnight because of the single father’s work schedule. I had no problems with him and around me he’s an extremely well-behaved child. It started as a good deed (I’ll watch him for a couple hours) and got way out of hand. I broke off contact when it became clear to me the biological parents wanted someone else to raise their kid. Can you say irresponsible? Instead of being commended or honored for what I did, I get harshly judged or ignored because “he wasn’t your kid, why did you get involved?” That really hurt my feelings because by caring for him, it gave me a window into how hard parents, lives really are, and the maturity to know liking kids when they’re around for a short time, and raising them 24/7, are 2 entirely, completely different things.
I have to put up with my friends saying they’re gonna get married or gonna have a kid, and everyone’s all head-over-heels happy for them, and I’m just not interested. If I show I’m not interested, I get the “OMG! How could you be so insensitive!” vibe. When I clearly don’t want to hear about people’s relationship/marriage/parenting problems, I am accused of not being compassionate or understanding. Uh, yeah, I understand because I practically raised a child for 3 years but nobody cares because he wasn’t biological!
In addition to being CF, I’m also happily single, and as soon as a major life change happens to friends, I’m secretly thinking, “There goes our friendship. Life is over. Gone are the happy times we could do whatever we wanted, whenever we chose and with whom. I have to accomidate *your* schedule? I have to put up with you not calling me and claiming you’re so busy and how it’s so hard to get together? And you’re married, so that automatically means “off-limits” and we can’t do anything because your husband/kids are home, and they wouldn’t want you to hang around for extended periods of time outside your sanctified union. So you’re in your little box and instead of shattering the walls to be free, you’re happy with the status quo. Marriage and kids are just something people do, you say, or something that happens? It’s a choice, you idiot!”
I never got paid, by the way, and though the child was fine around me, the child is reportedly having problems with the biological parents. Surprise surprise. They haven’t a clue why. Hmm, maybe it’s because they have absolutely no idea how to parent, and they refuse to put him in the foster system so other loving people who actually know what they’re doing can take care of him??? They sure know how to make babies though. The only true victim in this is the child. That’s sad.
So that’s why I have zero interest in people getting married or having kids, whether they be common folk or celebrities, and the fact that they make the news only perpetuates the myth that motherhood is the ultimate natural thing in a woman’s life. I finally figured out why they say that: It’s because you’re a woman and can procreate, which is unique only to women! Woohoo! It’s supposedly some specially ability the men don’t have… the miracle of life! I swear the only thing having kids does is feed people’s egos. I’m just like, “move along, nothing to see.”
I think it’s weird when someone says a child is “so cute!” and the mother says “Thank you!” Is she taking credit for her own child’s cuteness? Does she see it as a reflection of her own attractiveness? A lot of it is just genes that you have no control over.
It’s easy for someone who makes or has truckloads of money to have kids. They simply hire some stranger to do all the heavy lifting, and request to see the kids for brief moments and photo ops.
Their lives are not like the average person’s. Get real, folks!
Jerry Steinberg
Founding Non-Father Emeritus of NO KIDDING!
The international social club for childless and childfree couples and singles
http://www.nokidding.net; jerry@nokidding.net
Brynhild,
I’ve also experienced the loss of friendship due to friends getting married, or even just dating. Most of my women friends were so quick to commit that within a couple of months of dating, they acted as if the world revolved around their men. Yet I never stopped wanting to go out when I was dating someone or even now that I’m married. Most attached men are able to have “boys’ nights out” without guilt or reservations, so why don’t more women do the same?