So I’ve been very busy for the past few months – but having a lot of fun. The dance classes are taking off and we’re heading to a great new location in the new year. Very excited. It’s left me not so much time for even thinking about childfree stuff, let alone blogging about the life childfree. I simply live my life. As I’ve mentioned before dancing classes are excellent ways for singletons and childfree people to get together and make new friends as well as keep fit. It makes me feel even better that I’ve started something to help people meet and make new friends. It’s great for couples too, you just don’t need to be a couple. So for those simply enjoying being single or who want to avoid the traditional child laden conversations it is ideal. Anyway, that’s not the main part of this post, which is actually about the link sent to me by a reader.
These days I rarely read the mainstream media and even less do I read it when it comes to articles mentioning the childfree. I find even if the article is positive (rare) it inevitably attracts negative anti-childfree posters who like nothing better than to find a way to say children and motherhood is “the way” and that childfree life – isn’t.
Still, I read this article which to me started off wanting to stir it anyway. At first the comments were ok. Then, predictably, the ugly posters entered the fray.
Oh, and let’s not forget the flawed “research” that passes as the basis for implying that parents are healthier than the childfree (because the childfree are of course lonely and isolated).
I always thought that the choice you make yourself is the one you are happy with. And as far as reproducing is concerned both men and women need to be able to have support in resisting the pressure to reproduce if they do not wish to.
Anyway. As a childfree person I have much more time to take care of myself and my health. I know many parents are tapped out looking after children and who barely have any time to themselves. They also tend to get any germs their offspring regularly bring home. I don’t see many women in their 40’s suddenly going into isolation… (as one poster said) on the contrary if you go out you’ll see they are out enjoying themselves.
Articles like this do very little to help inform, and seem to do more to encourage criticism of a choice because it’s not “the so-called norm.”
What do you think – both about the article and the fact that any mainstream article inevitably attracts people who love to disparage the childfree choice?
Why is it that those with children (and wanna-be parents) still find it necessary to place one choice (having children) as more important than another choice?
Why is it (still) anyone’s business if people prefer to be childfree rather than parent?
Share your thoughts – and by the way men – please chime in with any thoughts of your own, your views are just as important.
Thanks for the link. And thanks for all the comments on past posts on the blog – keep them coming because they do help many other childfree people who may be looking for support or like-minded people.
Who’s Healthier Women with Children or Women Without Children?
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Well, this is just me, but I know that if I had children to look after, I would be stressed out beyond belief. Stress is extremely bad for health. I have OCD and bipolar disorder. I just cannot handle children and I’m fine with being childfree.
I have a “friend” (my friend’s husband) on Facebook, and they recently had a child. I’m very happy for them, as I love and respect my friend (the woman). I often post articles about childfreedom and/or parenting. Ever since my friend got pregnant, the husband will ONLY comment on those articles that show parenting in a negative light.
Finally, in response to one of his comments, I actually asked him if he knew that I wasn’t directing these CF posts towards HIM. They were mainly for my CF friends. My attitude is, if a friend posts something that I find offensive (unless they are being a bigot, racist, etc.), I will try and ignore it, because it’s their FB page.
He finally ended his condemnation of my opinion by telling me not to “throw stones at the institution of parenthood.” Surprisingly, he hasn’t unfriended me, but he hasn’t commented on any subsequent post, CF or otherwise.
I still comment on his wife’s page, since she’s really the one I’m friends with, and I still like her and her child. Him, on the other hand, not so much anymore.
I have to tell you, as a child free teacher, I have been told quite often by the parents of my students that they cannot believe I am 0lder than they are. Their next comment usually links my youthful looks to the fact that I am not stressed/burdened/tired by children outside the workday, to which I have to agree. I know Britgirl offline, and I can attest that she looks far healthier and happier than women much younger than she is, and much of it has to do with having the time and energy to look after herself like the childed can only dream of.
The funny thing about newspaper articles these days is that the comments that follow are inevitably more infuriating and ridiculous than the actual article.
I’d have to say that the #1 comment on the article (by Ted Tenson) hits the nail on the head. The media wants to provoke controversy, and they will do so by citing sketchy, unconfirmed, or just plain bad science. On the other hand, people opposed to something like a childfree life that is against the historical social norms tend to seek out these sorts of articles if for no other reason than to attack the “other side”. The same thing happens, unfortunately, all over the place: pro-choice and homosexual marriage come to mind.
When we lived in Wichita, KS, the local paper’s articles about cycling were ALWAYS filled with vitriolic comments from people who could not stand the fact that people want to ride a bike instead of drive a car. Like a child-free life, a cycling life has almost zero impact on those who do NOT choose it, yet they are always the first to pipe up and attack it.
I still like to think, though, that the few loudmouths do not represent the majority of society. Hopefully, I’m right…
I read this article in French and I laughed so much! All the comments were from moms who were so pleased to be told they were the bestest even in the field everybody knew they were not.
I thought this article was quite sketchy as it’s cites ONE study as THE TRUTH.
I told them I don’t wanna burst their bubble. Yes yes, mommies, your are healthier
I noticed that the researchers recognized that the truth could be other way around — women who already have health problems are less likely to have children, not that being childfree shortens your life. It sound like they just calculated using raw data, without distinguishing between those who chose to be childfree and those who were childless. I’d be curious to see what the numbers are if you separate out women who choose not the have children for health reasons from women who choose to be childfree for other reasons.
Of course, at the end of the day, I’m not sure it really matters. I still could choose to enjoy something that may shorten my life. I’m sure I would live longer if I gave up red meat and beer and switched to a plant-based diet. I have no doubt I would live longer and be healthier. Too bad, I’m not going to give all that up. It’s a quality of life issue.
I think it is mostly CF people who love to disparage the parenthood choice. Why is it that those CF find it necessary to place one choice (not having children) as more important than another choice? Why is it anyone’s business if people prefer to have children rather than not?
Actually, if you’re interested, I can give you the URL’s for several parent-based websites where parents spend a lot of time expressing regret about being parents. Parents don’t necessarily “love to disparage” their choices, but many of them do criticize the choice….
Yo – you should be asking that question of parents rather than the childfree. I have found it is overwhelmingly parents who disparage Childfree people and their choice not to have children. It is parents not the Childfree who place wanting, having and raising children as more important than anything else – and much more important than the childfree choice. And most don’t miss an opportunity to tell the childfree “what they are missing and how flawed their choice is” They’re heavily supported by society of course, most of which believe the exact same thing.
This doesn’t mean that there aren’t childfree people who don’t think much of parenting and there are of course forums where open disdain for parenting isn’t a secret. But it’s generally confined to online CHILDFREE forums – where parents have no business being. And it’s more than likely because of the frustration they feel at being told at every turn offline that there’s something wrong because they chose not to parent – or hearing ad nauseum from friends and colleagues how hard parenting is but how it’s the best and most wonderful thing they ever did…. blah, blah, blah.
Had to post because my partner and I started dancing a few years ago and LOVE it (ballroom & latin). I’ve never danced before, not even as a kid, so I’m surprised to find myself doing it now, but I love it!
It is a fabulous activity to get out and meet people – and the conversations with people at our dance studios are rarely about kids. Many people at the studio don’t have them, or they are grown up and on their own. A few people have young kids – one kid comes to the studio to hang out while his parents have class. So, it’s a mix, but generally it’s a good place to meet people who have free time to go out and do fun stuff, people who usually have very interesting lives and hobbies!
Just had to chime in and encourage others to consider it as an activity. My only advice – find a good dance studio, it’s worth the extra $$ to get quality instruction, otherwise you’ll just get frustrated and quit.
(On the subject of health – it’s been a real eye opener for me watching my friends have kids… no one ever mentioned that side of parenting to me, that it is a revolving door of illnesses. My poor friends, they must be exhausted – as soon as everyone is recovered from one bug, a new one is brought home!)
Thanks a lot for being the lecturer on this area. We enjoyed your own article quite definitely and most of all cherished how you handled the issues I widely known as controversial. You happen to be always quite kind towards readers much like me and help me in my lifestyle. Thank you.
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hm. I don’t know that we’re any healthier. Every parent I know, myself included, is often more raggedy, take LESS care of themselves, have LESS time to spend doing healthy things, and would gladly lament all day long over how much time they had before they had kids.
I think we only live longer to torture our children longer. You know, so we can treat our grandchildren special and make our kids mad.
no? Hm. Well that’s on MY bucket list anyway, lmao.
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There are different types of people who are childless by choice. Some are obnoxious. They are the ones that openly hate children, who wish ill for parents and children alike and who would jump to the chance to attack any parent.
It depends on the woman, her genetics, family history, what’s going on in her life at the moment. . .a lot of factors. There are a lot of moms who look good despite the number of kids they’ve had. My mother had four of us, and each birth seemed to make her stronger. But then, unlike some women, Ma didn’t use us as an excuse as to why she couldn’t keep herself healthy and looking decent.
I’m a childfree woman and I also have a lot of health problems. I decided to be childfree before my healt problems started and now I’m happy with the decision. Getting sick just made my decision to remain childfree stronger. I could not imagine my life with children AND bad health.
Yes, you should try ballroom dancing. It’s great and keeps you in shape! Because I have some free time I can do ballroom dancing and it healps a lot with my illnesses.
My impression is that people who are miserable in life and feel powerless will look for ways to get their frustration out in any way they can with minimal consequences, being defensive, attacking the public at large online instead of having honest conversations with spouses and family. Many have children because they want to, but studies show that many regret it despite believing they wanted them, or caved to social pressure and likely are bitter that they are living a life they didn’t want. Others went along with the so called norm without giving it a second thought. By the very nature of the decision in our society, childfree by choice individuals have to be able to stand up to pressure, and have to have thought out their choice carefully. For those who go the traditional path, they may be black and white thinkers who cannot handle ambiguity and feel uncomfortable with any viewpoint other than their own. This tendency doesn’t only apply to having children, it can apply to religion, political party, sports team allegiance, or any number of other social groups with which a person identifies. End result, the predictable negative commentary for anything that conflicts.
Another factor that comes into play, is the quality of the writer/moderator. This site has ideas presented in a mature and intellectual manner, mean comments are not tolerated. It is clear in the comments that although trolls show up here and there, the quality is generally what would be found in a civilized adult conversation.
On sites where the moderator does not have the mental or emotional resources to write without being mean or insulting to others, regardless of their perspective on the issue, or where controversy is used to foment nastiness as a cheap substitute for humor or quality writing, then that is the culture that is set and it will naturally draw jerks in all forms. That isn’t the case for most, but if they appeal to the worst in human nature, they will get it. In those cases it is as much a reflection on the negative character flaws of the writer as those who comment, rather than only the subject itself (though somehow I can’t imagine any fight worthy knitting controversies!). One site in mind, not a childfree one, consistently draws readers who use violent language and mock others in the name of being funny, and disrespectful conflict is encouraged. At first glance the posts are humorous, until you see through it and how rude it really is despite its claims to be harmless fun. Once that realization sets in, you don’t want any part of it.