Like It Is

Sarah Churchwell believes that there is more to life than motherhood. She’s right. In the light of yet another report trotted out to tell women if they don’t get pregnant now, they’ll rue the day, it’s refreshing to read of someone who doesn’t succumb to the scare tactics of breed now or regret it for ever.

Why I’m so happy to be childless, says highflyer.

I would have preferred she used the term childfree rather than childless, but then, we can’t have everything. Maybe she doesn’t consider herself childfree (yet). In the light of the overall article though, I consider it a moot point. For me the most puzzling words of the article were the opening words:

“Incredibly, the majority of female graduates nearing 40 are childless.” Why incredibly? This has been happening for a few years now and I don’t find anything “incredible” about it.

I found Churchwell’s article down to earth. It also echoed many of my thoughts as a childfree person as well as of other childfree people. Churchwell has said she doesn’t want children, just that they are not for her right now and she isn’t prepared to pursue motherhood despite the pressures that she should do so. And children may never be for her. Hopefully she will be at peace with that too, it seems she will.

Here are just a few of the things that resonated with me: Read the rest of this entry »

Technorati Tags: childfree, childless

When socialist Rene Almeling decided to look into the operations of U.S sperm banks and egg agencies she thought she knew what she would find. She found something very different from what she expected – a market that not only defies conventional wisdom but also the basic law of supply and demand. Her research findings,which appear in the June issue of the American Sociological Review are revealing. She found that, in terms of assisted reproduction:

“Men donors are paid less for a much longer time commitment and a great deal of personal inconvenience,”. They also are much less prepared for the emotional consequences of serving as a donor of reproductive material. Women, meanwhile, are not only paid more for a much shorter time commitment, they are repeatedly thanked for ‘giving the gift of life.’

“ Egg donors are treated like gold while sperm donors are perceived as a dime a dozen.” Read the rest of this entry »

Technorati Tags: Egg donors, sperm donors

I recently wrote an article on infertile couples in the UK heading into Cyberspace to hunt down fresh sperm, due to the drop in available sperm. The lack of sperm supplies is a direct result of the removal of anonymity for sperm donors in 2005, hitherto part of the package when men donated. The abolition of the right of all sperm donors to remain anonymous means that after April 1 2005 all men who registered as a donor could have their identity revealed to the children created from their sperm when those child turned 18.

Many men were put off – understandably. Many had visions of multiple children, spawned by their sperm (in what was probably a genuine wish to help) turning up on their door step looking for financial assistance or claiming to be their child. When you consider the fact that the men’s sperm can be used for up to a maximum of 10 families (eek!!), the prospect is even less appealing. Information as to exactly what requirements are expected are hard to come by for the sperm donors. And in a Britain that is subject to European legislation, I can easily see a law down the road where sperm donors are made responsible for some kind of financial assistance should their donor children turn up on their doorstep asking for it. Read the rest of this entry »

Now when Baby grows up and asks Mummy where she came from, Mummy can say -“I got you off the Internet, sweetheart.”

The Internet sperm baby gamble

After three cycles of IVF and spending over 12,000 on IVF, Marcus and Tammy Kiebel turned to a stranger on a UK website for sperm. Is it me or is this yet another rather cold example of how far people are prepared to go in their desperate bid to have a baby?

Since the law in England was changed about 18 months ago to allow sperm donor children to trace their biological fathers, there has been an acute shortage of sperm. While men were happy to donate sperm to sperm banks, they were less enthralled at the thought of being traced or hit upon for financial or other support by their donor-conceived children. So, many have stopped donating. Sperm supplies have plummeted.

Read the rest of this entry »

Technorati Tags: sperm donor, sperm

We know some people think it. Yes, we do. But it still must be quite a shock being told that to your face.

Here is an experience posted by someone in one of the forums I belong to. I replied to the writer (who I will call M) in the forum, but also mentioned that I was going to share this on Like It Is. Why?

So that Like It Is readers can weigh in with their comments and opinions. Perhaps M will read them and feel a little less alone as a childfree person, less dispirited and more encouraged. So that M can get some ideas of how to respond next time. Because there will, sadly, be a next time, only this time she’ll be better prepared.

I want M to know that there are many childfree people out there who understand just how shitty it is to be on the receiving end of crap like this. What struck me (and what I said to M in my response) is that it is often hard to find the right words when you’re bingo-ed like this. Some find it easier than others, but isn’t it always after the event when you think of all the things you should have said and didn’t? And that makes you feel worse.

I don’t know how many of you will comment but I’m hoping you’ll let rip on this one. Feel free to rant … When I read it I could feel the smoke coming out of my ears… M – you deserve a big hug. You bloody well are not “nothing.” You are OK!

Here goes:

“I am single, and childless by choice and am completely sick and tired and frustrated of being told how selfish I am for choosing a child free lifestyle. This past weekend I got into a conversation with some friends and a relatively new friend also in this group….and the issue of children came up, and things got very heated and the conversation turned into one huge massive argument and I walked away feeling so frustrated and angry, at myself for feeling like I hadn’t defended my decision adequately, and at others in the group for making me feel like an insignificant being in society because I didn’t have children. Read the rest of this entry »

Technorati Tags: childfree, child free lifestyle

Hurrah! Common sense has prevailed! All the papers are predictably full of the news, because, well it is headline news and a landmark decision.

Here’s my interpretation:

Waaah! Waaaah!!! I can’t get my baby!! I want my OWN baby! And he, Mr Johnson is a BAD MEAN MAN, for not letting me have my OWN WAY. He won’t let me have what I want! No, stupid, of course I don’t want to adopt. How DARE he exercise his right to be or not to be a father?!? What does he mean he wants to choose when or if he wants to become a parent? I want to be a MOTHER!! A baby is my RIGHT. Stuff his rights! I want him to change his mind. I’ve asked him to change his mind… but he just won’t do it. He said he wanted babies back then and now he doesn’t. He just changed his mind! And now I can’t have a baby. It’s not right.”

Here’s what Natalie Evans said: Read the rest of this entry »

Technorati Tags: Natalie Evans

The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) has announced new restrictions on what form of treatment infertile couples can receive and the types of procedures that doctors are allowed to perform to help women have babies. The Observer article of April 1 states:

“The HFEA will unveil a series of measures based on an approach called ’single embryo transfer’ under which women normally receive only one embryo, except for a minority - including older women - whose medical condition means they need two embryos to stand a realistic chance of conceiving.”

The regulator wants to cut down on the unacceptably high number of IVF-assisted multiple births that are a result of women or their doctors choosing how many embryos to implant. Read the rest of this entry »

Technorati Tags: multiple births

I promised I’d print Lydia Lovric’s response to Christine’s letter. So, with Christine’s kind permission, here it is. I have to say it’s been a while since I’ve read something quite so patronizing and just plain uninformed. There are obviously no reasons that are good enough for not breeding having kids as far as she’s concerned. While tossing a sap at childfree people by acknowledging that “there are some people who truly shouldn’t have kids,” she then goes on to underline that:

“a lot of couples today are purely selfish in their desire not to have kids.”

Let’s see now, how many childfree couples did Ms Lovric interview? Which childfree literature/childfree sources did she consult? How many older couples “spending thousands and thousands on fertility treatments” did she actually talk to? Yet she knows that these older women are people who are/were childfree? And as for the survey she quotes that shows more than 70% of childfree (or childless as she calls them) women regretted their decision – that would be an interesting read. Even if it were true, this smacks of the “you’ll regret it one day…” bingo.

According to Ms Lovric (who sprogged up became a mother last October) we selfish childfree folk know nothing. And we are going to discover that (gasp!!) there’s more to life - and it’s kids! But read on. Her letter to Christine saved me bothering to send her a letter of my own… Read the rest of this entry »

Technorati Tags: Lydia Lovric, childfree, childless, childfree

One of my readers sent me this link a while ago. Called Prejudices are difficult to kill by Gabriella Coslovich in The Age it’s yet another example proving that, unless you are busy breeding – oops – reproducing your view really doesn’t count one whit. Parents views, however certainly do. Many have tried to convince me that parents have such a hard time of it, have needs that we as childfree persons haven’t a clue about, and are entitled to whatever they want/need to make their lives (when having and raising kids) easier. Read the rest of this entry »

A 67-year-old woman who is believed to be the world’s oldest new mother told a British Sunday newspaper she lied to a U.S. fertility clinic — saying she was 55 — to get treatment.

“Often circumstances put you between a rock and a hard place and maybe things shouldn’t have been done in the way they were done but that was the only way to achieve the thing I had always dreamed of and I did it,” she said. Read the rest of this entry »