The glare that I shot the duh could have vaporized him, and he did absolutely nothing, except for the whole “the nice lady in front of you doesn’t like you kicking her” – which, of course, was as effective as a water bottle to put out a 4-alarm.

On the other hand, I had only one kid on a plane when I was going cross-country, and the entire trip to CA passed in airline-Internet-filled bliss. Best six hours ever.

And yes, I would totally pay an extra hundred or so for a child-free flight. If I’m shelling out money to be in a metal cigar for six hours or so, then I would rather be comfortable in said metal cigar.

In my experience, 80%+ (completely fabricated number here…) of the passengers on flights are teens or above. This makes it a simple task to ban children 12 and younger from all but one flight daily. Charge a 5% premium for the child-free flights, and give a 5% discount for the potentially child-ful flights. This shouldn’t outrage many parents, as they are the beneficiaries of a slightly cheaper fare. Also, frugal folk can chance the cheaper flight to save a few quid…

All in all, I think we just need to request childfree flights incessantly from our carriers of choice. Assuming they actually care about their customers (and their customers care about having peaceful flights), eventually we will have the option.

I do expect that most of the people reading this blog already DO know that parenthood isn’t the path for them!

Yes, my deal was fraught with problems from the get-go, so obviously not your normal situation…but here is the zinger.

You know that “love bomb” that is supposed to go off ? That “it’s all so worth it” thing? “when it’s yours it’s different”, “you will never know love like this” thing? Not so my dears. I held my newborn, perfect baby girl in my arms and could only think…”What the f*ck have I done.”

I was responsible, I took good care of her, I did everything I could. I was actually, quite a good little Mommy.

It wasn’t worth it.
I hated being a mother. I loved my child in an abstract kind of way…and I would have given my life for her…but NOTHING changed about wanting to be a parent when parenthood was suddenly thrust upon me. It was not enjoyable, and I will never do it again. Ambivalence about babies stayed firmly the same. There was no sudden “rush” of euphoric joy at being a Mom. If the urge isn’t in you ladies…having a baby won’t magically make it appear. You either want mommyhood, and love it…or you don’t. End of. “It’s different when it’s yours” is a cop out. Poop is still poop, vomit is still vomit…a screaming child is still distressing and horrifying. More so, actually, because YOU are the one who has to fix whatever is wrong.

I was smart, and I was fortunate…I had an adoptive family on standby who were falling over themselves to take my baby and love her in a way I never could. I finally stopped crucifying myself with guilt, and gave her to a family that loved her beyond measure. She is twenty now…and visits me from time to time and we have a cool sort of “auntie” relationship, she turned out just fine and so did I.

The moral of this story is…don’t let ANYBODY talk you into having a child if that maternal (or paternal) instinct isn’t in you…there is NO GUARANTEE that it will magically appear. If I had a nickle for everybody who tells my husband and I (without knowing my back-story that is…) “Oh, just go ahead and do it…the minute you see that cute little face…” I want to shake them and say…”How could you possibly know? STOP telling ambivalent childfree couples (or singles) to just GO AHEAD AND DO IT, INSTINCT BE DAMNED.” I knew from when I was a small child that I didn’t want to be a mother, I bought the “go ahead and just do it” line when I found out I had accidentally gotten pregnant…and I effing hated it. AND almost ruined my life, and an innocent little girls life in the process.

I can’t sing. I am rubbish at dancing. I can’t do math. I do not like cabbage. I am scared of heights, and I do not want to parent. Any of those qualities are not inherently bad, and I did not particularly choose to have them… they just make me..well, me, and that is just fine.

Know thyself.

Meanwhile, have a childfree section at standard price for those pitiable souls who have not experienced the best thing that a human could ever experience. Show a wide variety of films, doesn’t matter what the rating is, have music that does not include Wiggles or Barney. Keep it far from the family section so it is peacefully quiet and the kids can’t cross over, er I mean to keep the mean childfree people from disturbing the parents and children. Let them board first so they don’t obstruct the children. Put the larger bathrooms in this section so seniors or those with disabilities have easy access without getting in the way of the children. Since there are soooo few childfree, it would be easy enough to have larger seats and fewer seats per row. Maybe room for reclining seats so they can contemplate what selfish people they must be for not wanting to reproduce. Serve gourmet food to remind them how spoiled they are.

What about rude adults? By entitled parents theory, parents are better than everyone else so they would not have any in their section. How to deal with the rude passengers in the childfree section? Have another special row next to the Elite Parents and Children area. Let them absorb the holiness of the parents up close.

It would never happen, and I could not wish that on the good parents who love and discipline their children, and who are considerate of others. But I can dream about it when I am on a flight with a kid kicking my seat and a parent who snaps at me for not letting their kid play with my purse.

Just a thought in general, I have enjoyed reading this blog. In a world swamped with “thou shalt have kids” this is a useful place to visit – I just hope this “movement” continues. On another note in case you haven’t heard of this before its a new site for childree dating (although with a not-so-snazzy name) http://www.babylessdating.com/ I haven’t tried it myself but after nearly 5 years on Match.com etc I might be tempted…it’s harder for childfree ppl to find someone so hope it helps somone

All the best
Dave