Comments for Like It Is

Comment on Childfree – I want a Child and That’s all That Matters… by Britgirl

Britgirl — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 17:21:58 +0000

Josh – thanks for sharing this. I’ve been wondering how you’ve been getting on. I am happy to hear things seem to be working out… wishing you all the very best. BG.

Comment on New Layout by Britgirl

Britgirl — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 17:13:14 +0000

Good question TT. I’d been meaning to do it for ages, just never got around to it with this blog

Comment on New Layout by timethief

timethief — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 00:22:13 +0000

What took you so long? I like it, of course, I just couldn’t resist being cheeky.

Comment on Having Kids Is Overrated… Let’s Hear It For The Boys by krull

krull — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 11:42:37 +0000

I love my finance, we’ve been together for nearly 6 years. We just got a great new place together but I feel that this perfect little world will collapse one day when we have a kid. I don’t believe the species has any real point to propagate itself and I am so deeply opposed to reproducing that I worry it will jeopardize our realtionship one day. I’d rather have several nice housecats and spoil them.

I see having a child as a life-altering event that will siphon my money and free-time ultimately ushering in my death quicker then I would please.

An alcohol induced coma seems preferable.

Comment on Childfree – What’s Your Perspective on Settling For “Mr Good Enough?” by Britgirl

Britgirl — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 15:16:43 +0000

“In fact, the idea of being with the wrong person is a hell of a lot scarier than the idea of being single.”
My thoughts exactly.
I was always happy as a singleton and my experince now is that marriage has made life even more fun. I do remember feeling that when you’re single EVERYONE seems to be coupled up or wanted to be coupled up. Now I’m married I seem to meet more single people – and in many cases when they tell me what they are looking for in a man -often ridiculous things – I think “you are going to be waiting a long, long time”) I think it’s fine to have a goal to meet someone to share your life with if that’s what a person wants – but like you say, it should be a want not a need and I believe it has to come from a position of completeness. Being needy is the way to send men running in the other direction. Whereas there’s something really attractive about people who are already comfortable with themselves.

I would didn’t and would never settle… I think it does a disservice to both people.

Comment on Childfree – What’s Your Perspective on Settling For “Mr Good Enough?” by Margaret

Margaret — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 20:12:38 +0000

I hate this idea that a woman’s life is incomplete without marriage and babies. Seriously, it’s so insulting. I am happily married, but I never felt like I HAD to be with a man to be happy. I think that we should be telling young women that they have the tools to make their own lives meaningful, and that relationships are a fantastic addition, but not a requirement, for happiness. I was happy as a single woman. I’m happy as a married woman. I didn’t settle at all. I was prepared for the possibility of being single for the rest of my life, especially after a string of dates with men who turned out to be desperate to procreate. I knew I didn’t want kids, and if I couldn’t find a man who shared that view, well, I was ok with that. Sure, I wanted to get married, but I never felt like I needed to.
In fact, the idea of being with the wrong person is a hell of a lot scarier than the idea of being single.

Comment on About by Valerie Stachurski

Valerie Stachurski — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 17:57:33 +0000

I agree you are a most fascinating woman! I’d love to interview you someday. I think you’d be a great role model for many women,

Comment on The Right to Bear Children… and, as We’re Childfree, of Course We’ll Pay by Xena

Xena — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 16:43:18 +0000

The Frugal, everyone needs to learn coping skills in life. There are so many abused, abandoned and neglected children who could use a good home. I’ll reserve my sympathy for them. How cold is that?

Comment on The Right to Bear Children… and, as We’re Childfree, of Course We’ll Pay by The Frugal

The Frugal — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 09:11:08 +0000

“but we have to pay for idiots to reproduce”

Mrs Ogre thats where you have it wrong. The “idiots” don’t seem to appear to need any help reproducing, they all seem to get knocked up with ease time after time.

Either you don’t have children or you’ve never struggled with infertility because your last lines are just so cold and perhaps shows that you dont have a beating heart in your chest….

“If nature decided you can’t have them naturally, do something else. It’s not a disease. You will not die. You simply just won’t get what you want, and because you can’t have it, you cry, just like a child. Really mature.”

Comment on The Right to Bear Children… and, as We’re Childfree, of Course We’ll Pay by The Frugal

The Frugal — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 09:03:06 +0000

I love how the “why not adopt” line gets trotted out time after freakin time in the comments section of these articles.

Adoption is not as easy as Angelina Jolie makes it look. We can’t afford to adopt (cost of up to $50 000) and by the time the time frame is over, DH would be too old for us to qualify, so NO adoption is NOT the answer to Infertility.

We claim nothing from the government and never have but would we appreciate a bit of help in trying to have a child of our own, fuck yes…after all we pay our taxes so why the hell not?

Comment on The Right to Bear Children… and, as We’re Childfree, of Course We’ll Pay by The Frugal

The Frugal — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 08:58:55 +0000

What if you don’t have any nieces of nephews to enjoy? If you’ve never wanted children then it’s truly extremely hard to even begin to understand how not being able to have a child can hurt so much and leave you feeling so very very empty. Donating time to an organisation such as Big Brother Big Sister does nothing to control the urge to become a Mother.

I count my blessings everyday for my wonderful soulmate but that doesn’t make up for my overwhelming desire to become a Mother and not being able to (I’ve suffered multiple miscarriages), especially when you see crack addicts and 15 year old girls have babies and not really care about them.

If infertility is natures form of population control how come the weak and crappy DNA carrying people of the world are the ones that find it so easy to get knocked up and manage to produce and produce? Isn’t it natures way for the strong to survive, so therefore shouldn’t they be the ones getting pregnant?

Comment on Childfree – I want a Child and That’s all That Matters… by Josh

Josh — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 18:00:35 +0000

Just thought I’d post an update to my story. While it’s been rough and we’ve come close to divorcing more than once, we’re still together and things seem to be working out for now. I also had a vasectomy this last Friday, with at least a partial blessing from her as she desperately wanted off birth control, so we definitely will not be having any kids. Time will tell if she is able to deal with that in the long run.

Comment on So The Childfree Should Not Speak on Parental Issues? Seriously? by Sebastyne

Sebastyne — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 06:08:37 +0000

I am a Finn living in Australia, and I wouldn’t take anything the politicians here say seriously. In fact, recently I remarked that the other parties only role in politics is to say silly enough comments to keep people voting for the Labor Party. The Gillard case, which was received with flames and fire stone against Tony Abbot was no exception. The politics here work through slandering, which is the only thing I don’t like about Australia.

I don’t think Australians in general are particularly anti-childfree. I was under the impression the Americans are.

Comment on Childfree…Happier Without The Kids? Admit It – Of Course You Are by britgirl

britgirl — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 04:49:50 +0000

Ah, but they all shut their eyes and ears and think it’s going to be different for them! It was very easy for me to see that parenting is not an easy road… all I did was observe enough parents. I think once they have kids, instead of whining about how hard it is (and writing articles about how nice it is to be free of their kids for extended amounts of time) they should just smile and get on with it – no complaints.

Comment on Childfree…Happier Without The Kids? Admit It – Of Course You Are by britgirl

britgirl — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 04:44:34 +0000

@Lurker,
I only talk about being childfree when it’s “necessary.” Unlike parents who tend to talk about their kids at the first opportunity, I think it is very different with the childfree. Personally there are very few reasons children really “need” to come up at all – but parents seem to manage to bring the fact that they have kids into most conversations. In a way I can understand that… as everyone does it and it’s a conversation builder for them.

But at the same time. It’s not easy to pipe up and say by way of announcement that “I’m childfree” unless I am trying to make a point. I have to say though that when the opportunity comes up I don’t hide it. I have a male colleague who has just had a baby, his first. I like him and asked about his baby when she was born a few weeks ago. But now all he does is talk about his baby and though I get why, I am simply not interested. Everyone’s expected to ask “how’s the baby?” but unless you want listen to tales of sleepless nights you’re best off not asking anything.

If the opportunity to say you are childfree (or you’ve chosen not to have children) comes up then do what feels right to you. I would suggest being honest though… you do not need anyone’s approval… and you certainly shouldn’t be carrying around guilt.
Choosing not to have kids is probably never going to be a popular choice but it’s your choice and as long as you are comfortable with it, others will have to accept it. If they don’t, it’s not your problem. But they are more likely to do so if they know you are at ease with your choice. Really their opinions don’t matter, what matters is how secure you feel.

Comment on Childfree…Happier Without The Kids? Admit It – Of Course You Are by Sebastyne

Sebastyne — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:23:50 +0000

When I was reading that post you linked to, the thought on the top of my thoughts was: “How was she surprised about this?!” and reading through some of the comments, there was one that mentioned that nobody told her how much more work it was to have children, and how in the modern world the girls are not taught how much work it is, as they don’t have to take care of younger siblings and so… And I wonder how stupid do you have to be to not get it without experiencing it? You only have to look at other people doing it and see that it’s NOT EASY and it’s certainly not FUN. It’s fulfilling only if you’re damned good at managing everything and enjoying managing everything and being in control of things. If you have a lazy bone in your body parenting is not going to be enjoyable. If you like quiet and calm, parenting is not very likely going to be enjoyable. I find it absolutely mind boggling how anyone would find this surprising after they have children.

Comment on Childfree…Happier Without The Kids? Admit It – Of Course You Are by Sebastyne

Sebastyne — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:17:38 +0000

From the start of the post I suspect you’re a male. I do think being childfree is more accepted for the male, even though not fully so, especially if you have a rare “family name to carry on”. However, I think how difficult being publicly childfree is, is very much dependent on how well you deal with pressure in general. I personally have hardly noticed social pressure for it, and if someone has expressed negative views about being childless by choice, I kind of think they’re being out of line, not even considering I might be doing something wrong. So I don’t think being CF is that difficult as it is, it’s simply a question of how well you can deal with it yourself.

Comment on Childfree…Happier Without The Kids? Admit It – Of Course You Are by Lurker

Lurker — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 16:05:34 +0000

If I happened to knock someone up and had to take on the role of a parent, I would for sure manage and still live a quite happy life. I can without hesitation say that I like children, but cant speak by my own experience when it comes to be around them for a longer period of time.

If you ask me wether I am happy to be CF and if I feel for the moment that this is the right thing for me to do, then my well thought over and honest answer will be:”YES”!! Do I miss the opportunity to take part in child-oriented activities; seldom!

The most negative influence on my life because I do not have kids are two things. One is that I find chemistry with interesting people who are parents, but I understand I would have to work hard for common ground and therefore a friendship probably would not be easy(?). Second, and more important, is that I don`t go public with my CF-choice. This troubles me since I don`t feel sincere to myself when I need to pretend a fake attitude towards having my own children. Should a person really go around with feelings of guilt for no reason? Lately I have considered to just take the consequences and become more public, I imagine it wont be so difficult as I worry.

We often hear that CF are expected to look back in life and see all that they lost due to no kids. I am sure plenty of parents look back and think of all the opportunities lost because they had kids. Overall it seem like a better chance to be happier without kids.

Comment on Childfree…Happier Without The Kids? Admit It – Of Course You Are by Britgirl

Britgirl — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 13:45:10 +0000

I like that idea too. In fact it may even get people thinking outside the kid box for once. On the other hand it may open up the floodgates to “oh I love to play with my kids… Blah blah”

Comment on Childfree…Happier Without The Kids? Admit It – Of Course You Are by Domino

Domino — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 13:39:09 +0000

This confuses me too. I can only assume that it comes down to a patriarchal society that wants women in their place. I can’t back this up, but this is the feeling I get. Children tie women down to such an extent that often, they don’t get to do much else with their lives besides childrearing for a good while. By the time the children are older and leave the house, even if the parents don’t continue to pay for them, the women are older too, hesitant about making drastic changes and on top of that, have been conditioned to function rather than live. Nobody seems to be doing much to snap them out of it. It’s convenient. Although this is a less-than-ideal scenario, it seems to be the norm. (This goes for men too, but it seems to me that although they often have to be the sole or main breadwinner, they generally tend to get more me-time.) Controlling women will, for a good part of society, be a less abstract desire than saving the planet. It’s also something many people benefit from in the here and now, not something that may come to bear a few generations down the road.

I also think there’s a problem in worshipping the economy and demanding more children to feed into the system later. The economy serves society, not vice versa. When demographics change so much that the economic system goes under, then in my opinion the economic system needs to change. Not demographics. But again, this poses a more abstract problem to many people than simply making more babies does.